As my three-year-boob-anniversary approaches, I am reflective of the
path that I chose and the society that influenced my decision.
Aged 14, sitting in a classroom waiting for the teacher to come in.
Beside me, a bunch of the guys were sniggering, huddled around
someone’s phone. “Eurgh,” grimaced one of the boys who I happened to be
crushing on that month, “She’s another one with pancake tits."As they
all laughed, my cheeks flushed red.
Aged 15 in the dorm room. Girls
spoke of the guys who’d ‘topped them’ (that is, slipped their hands
under the bra outside the school disco,) and I would sink down deeper
beneath my duvet. In the darkness, I would take off the padded bra that,
without boobs to anchor it, had been riding up and down my chest all
day, and I would place my hands on my stomach. Slowly, I would draw them
upwards and imagine that, like the girls sleeping in the beds beside
me, I would reach a small mound of flesh that would force my small hand
to curve and rise upwards, past the nipple, and then gently down again,
to the collarbone. Instead, my chest was utterly and tormentingly flat.
Women’s bodies come in all shapes and sizes
and I knew that then. Yet after years of internalising contemporary
Western standards of femininity and female beauty, my shape felt so far
away from the bodies of the girls that men treated with attention and
affection. In no form of media had I ever seen a body like mine: curvy —
at times slightly-overweight — with no breasts at all. Big boobs were
treated as the only vindication of larger women; skinny girls with small
boobs learned to equip themselves with push-up bras or accentuate their
long legs in order to gain entry into the social-life-defining high
school ‘f*ckable’ or ‘girlfriend material’ clubs. But they all seemed to
have boobs. They all seemed to have these highly sexualised body parts
that are ogled, worshipped, kissed, judged, shamed, objectified, abused,
and most of all, deeply associated with femininity and sexuality.
Cue teenage years of low self esteem. Cue bad boys and the lights turned off. Cue
learning to give great blowjobs and talk dirty and play out the
fantasies of boys. Cue turning my sexuality into a consolation prize for
my body — a body that the world told me was not sexy and not worthy of
self-love.
At the age of 18, I saw a GP to
discuss my options. After proving questions about my period and my
puberty, she concluded that everything was normal hormone wise. Was
there a reason I hadn’t grown breasts? No. Was there a tablet I could
take to promote growth? In my situation, no.
My
only option was to stay the same or to go under the knife. And so, in
the summer before I started university, I did it. I woke up in a fog of
anesthetic with what felt like kettle bells attached to my chest. My mum
recalls telling me, as I sat blubbering in the back of the car, on the
drive home, “I told you it was going to hurt Eves." The
months that followed entailed a lot of sleepless nights on my back,
colourful array of M&S sports bras and a velcro strap as my new
breasts underwent a process known as ‘dropping and fluffing. It probably
took about 8 months before I let anyone but my Mum see them. It was a
year until I could invest in those black lacy wired bras I coveted, and
it might take many more years before the pink scars under each breast
fade to nothingness.
As my three year boob anniversary
approaches, I am reflective of the path that I chose and the society
that influenced my decision. I have stared at my fabulous and even
still, imperfect, breasts in the mirror and wondered, am I a bad
feminist? Should I have just ran with what I had? Do these boobs
represent defeat in the face of patriarchal beauty ideals?”
First
off, I should be honest and say that I haven’t regretted my surgery
once. To those that knew me before and after, I am not so sure a marked
change in my confidence would have been noticeable. Yet to me, it was a
weight off my shoulders. A weight that found itself instead sitting
comfortably in a bra, looking great in that top I would have never
chosen. It's a weight that will one day, hopefully, feed milk to my
babies and a weight that you have to grab and hold when you run up the
stairs. I am more comfortable in my body with them than I could have
ever felt without them.
Choice feminism empowers me to say, well, I wanted them and so I got them and don’t fucking judge me.
Yet, if I am honest with myself, I know there is much more to the story
than that. My choice to get implants did not exist in a vacuum. I
desired boobs because a life without them meant a life of insecurity and
feeling different and unsexy.
As a society, we
define beauty so specifically and body shame so systematically, that
overweight or slim, flat-chested women, transgender women, or women who
have undergone a mastectomy can too easily feel like less of a woman for
lack of those two lumps. Western society as a whole hasn’t yet learned
to deal with a woman who does not have all the physical characteristics
traditionally associated with femininity.
Meanwhile
‘tits’ have been sexualised to the extent that girls are called sluts
for wearing revealing clothing. The female nipple is filed under
‘Graphic Content’ and censored out of public view. Even breast-feeding
in public is controversial. So no, I don’t regret my decision; due to
the internalised prejudices engrained in me since childhood, having
boobs is meaningful to me. However, I do regret that I — and many girls
like me — fell victim to a society that told me what my body ought to
look like.
I hope now that feminism is becoming
less of a dirty word and that ideas of femininity and womanhood are
being increasingly questioned and redefined by wonderful feminists in
the media, in entertainment — and sometimes if we’re lucky, in the
classrooms — a girl like me, approaching 18, will not be so quick to see
implants as the only cure for a flat chest.
I hope that she sees that there is no need for a cure, because nothing about her body is wrong at all.
A cure for HIV and AIDS reportedly could be just a few years away
after scientists have been able to successfully snip away the virus from
infected cells and prevent the disease from returning.
Scientists at the Lewis Katz School of Medicine at
Temple University are confident that within the next three years they
will be able to start human trials, the UK Daily Telegraph reported.
American researchers have previously shown that it’s possible to edit genes to cut the virus from DNA cells entirely.
British experts believe that this treatment, which
has only been tested in labs, would allow the body to effectively “cure
itself from the inside,” the newspaper reported. Human immune cells that
were tested in the labs have showed no alteration to any other part of
the genetic code.
“The fact that for the first time we have been able
to completely eliminate segments of the viral genome in the laboratory
demonstrates that we should be able to eliminate it in the human body,”
lead researcher Professor Kamel Khalili told The Telegraph.
He reiterated that based on the recent findings, clinical trials could start within the next three years.
The new technique is called Crispr/Cas9. It involves
targeting the genetic code of HIV which inserts into cells, according to
The Telegraph. Scientists then take the Cas9 protein and edit it so it
can recognize viral code.
The patient’s blood is then taken and scientists
would inject Cas9, which would then seek out the HIV virus in the cells.
The protein then releases and enzyme and snips out the virus.
Scientists are confident that replacing 20 percent of immune cells with
genetically altered cells would be enough to cure the virus.
“It is an important step forward. This is part of a wave of research
that is being done using these new techniques to attack HIV in
particular but also a number of other diseases,” Britain’s Manchester
University Professor Matthew Cobb told Radio 4, according to the
newspaper.
According to the latest statistics from the Centers
for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), more than 1.2 million people
in the U.S. are living with HIV and about 12.8 percent of them are
unaware that they have the virus.
Those infected take an antiretroviral drug to control
the infection, but need to take it for the rest of their life. If they
stop taking the treatment, the virus could cause AIDS.
There are things you can do to reduce your chances of being sexually
assaulted. Follow these tips from the National Crime Prevention Council.
Be aware of your surroundings—who's out there and what's going on.
Walk with confidence. The more confident you look, the stronger you appear.
Don't let drugs or alcohol cloud your judgment.
Be assertive—don't let anyone violate
your space.
Trust your instincts. If you feel uncomfortable in your
surroundings, leave.
Don't prop open self-locking doors.
Lock your door and your windows, even if you leave for just a few minutes.
Watch your keys. Don't lend them. Don't leave them. Don't lose them. And don't put your name and address on
the key ring.
Watch out for unwanted visitors. Know who's on the other side of
the door before you open it.
Be wary of isolated spots, like underground
garages, offices after business hours, and apartment laundry rooms.
Avoid walking or jogging alone, especially at night. Vary your route. Stay in
well-traveled, well-lit areas.
Have your key ready to use before you reach the
door—home, car, or work.
Park in well-lit areas and lock the car, even if
you'll only be gone a few minutes.
Drive on well-traveled streets, with doors
and windows locked.
Never hitchhike or pick up a hitchhiker.
Keep your car in good shape with plenty of gas in the tank.
In case of car trouble, call for help on your cellular phone. If you don't have a phone, put the hood up, lock the
doors, and put a banner in the rear mirror that says, "Help. Call police."
Turkey has made progress on children’s rights in the
last 10 years, yet many of these measures remain purely on paper,
according to legal experts.
Turkey has made progress on children’s
rights in the last 10 years, but many of the measures remain purely on
paper, according to legal experts who cite violations of the rights of
children charged under anti-terror laws.
The plight of children
has dominated the Turkish media in recent weeks, especially with the
deaths of three teenagers hit by an Istanbul tram and other tales of
child poverty. The situation of stone-throwing children in eastern and
southeastern Turkey, however, has been most prominent, especially
following a parliamentary bill submitted Thursday.
“The child
protection system in Turkey is quite ineffectual and unsuccessful. In
many areas concerning children’s rights, Turkey fails to fulfill its
international legal obligations cited in international conventions,”
Åžahin AntakyalıoÄŸlu, chairman of the Ankara Bar Association Children’s
Rights Center, told the Hürriyet Daily News & Economic Review late
last week.
“The major reason is that individuals involved in this
system have unfortunately failed to grasp and internalize the essence of
the international conventions and child protection system. The measures
simply remain [on paper],” said AntakyalıoÄŸlu.
[HH] Criticism from the EU, US
Separate
reports released by the European Union and the United States share
similar concerns and urge Turkey to take stronger steps to eliminate
obstacles toward fulfilling children’s rights.
The EU’s 2009
Progress Report cited Turkey’s juvenile justice system as a major
concern in criticizing the lack of juvenile courts and an anti-terror
law that treats children participating in demonstrations, particularly
in the East and Southeast, as terrorists – with accompanying harsher
penalties.
A recent U.S. report on human rights in Turkey also
said the juvenile justice system for children who stand accused of
terror-related offences, child marriage, the exploitation of child labor
and minors’ access to education and health are major problems.
The
government is preparing to change the anti-terror law for the children
accused of crimes under its scope, yet Antakyalıoğlu said merely
reducing the penalties for stone-throwing children and sending them to
juvenile court is insufficient, arguing that Turkey violates the U.N.
Convention on the Rights of the Child – to which it is a signatory on
the issue.
“The children can be tried in juvenile courts, but it
is useless unless they are totally excluded from the scope of the
anti-terror law. They shouldn’t be deemed as terrorists and they should
be judged only for their actions of throwing stones,” he said.
He
said numerous commissions have been established in Parliament while
legal measures have been taken to solve children’s problems.
“But
the legal measures remain on paper and commissions take action only
after incidents take place,” he said. “You can still, for instance, come
across handcuffed children in courthouses even though it is illegal. Or
the children subjected to sexual abuse aren’t accompanied by a social
service expert or psychologist during their medical examination despite
the legislation because of a lack of personnel.”
The rights of
children who experienced natural disasters are similarly ignored or
violated, he said. “Even if accommodation is provided, their right to
education or health is ignored. Child labor is against the law, but it
still exists. The government has no right to offer excuses like a lack
of personnel or financial sources in addressing the problems,” he said.
[HH] Basic violation in judiciary
The
failure to implement the U.N. convention occurs in the judiciary,
according to Türkay Asma, a lawyer from the Association for the
Prevention of Child Abuse and Neglect.
“The judiciary still deems a
child as an object, not an individual who has rights,” Asma said.
“There is still no course on ‘children’s law’ in the law faculty
curricula, for instance. Everyone in the judiciary, from lawyers to
judges, should be equipped with the philosophy of the child protection
system.”
There were laws to protect children but the problem is
with their implementation, Asma said, adding that the lack of
coordination between the institutions implementing the measures is
crucial problem.
“This task belongs to the Justice Ministry but
it has failed to do the job,” she said. “Beatings are still happening at
schools, there is gender inequality in access to education and even no
support center for children who face exploitation. There is no holistic
approach to these problems.”
[HH] No proper data collection mechanism
One
of the biggest problems is the lack of a data collection mechanism
concerning the situation of children, according to experts. Every
institution compiles its own data and the available data is often old
and incomplete.
Arguing that the a lack of relevant data makes
understanding the problems more difficult, Adem ArkadaÅŸ of the
International Children's Center, or ICC, said there was an urgent need
to establish a proper rights-based data collection mechanism.
Turkey
has made improvements in children’s rights in many areas as part of its
EU bid, he said. “However, many of the reforms are yet to be
implemented and some reforms adopted since 1999 have remained only [on
paper].”
The U.N. convention’s obligations should be included in domestic law, he said, as should a children’s ombudsman.
[BOX]
[HH] Children face trouble in Turkey
There
are 2,622 children in prison with 1,440 of them housed in the same
institution as adult prisoners, a 2008 Justice Ministry report said.
A
total of 1,056 children who participated in demonstrations in the
Southeast between the age of 12 and 18 were tried in penal courts under
the anti-terror law between 2006 and 2007, with 208 being sentenced, the
ministry said.
In a child labor survey released in April 2007,
the Statistical Institute reported that the number of child laborers
between the ages of 6 and 17 was 960,000.
According to the General Directorate of Security, 25,000 children were victims of violence, including sexual assault, in 2004.
Some
71.6 percent of 20,000 children who stay in the Social Services and
Children Protection Institution, or SHÇEK, centers are there because of
poverty, a 2007 SHÇEK report said.
The Navy’s largest and costliest destroyer was sent out to sea Monday for final trials before its delivery to the military.
The future USS Zumwalt features an angled
hull that looks like a hybrid of something out of Soviet Russia and a
James Bond movie.
Staff from Bath Iron Works, the Maine shipyard that built the
destroyer, and Navy crew members will be on board during the trials for
testing and to help prepare the ship for delivery.
Once this round of trials is complete, the Navy will begin its own
testing, determining the ship’s capabilities in different sea
conditions, including extremely rough waters.
“We go to find the most miserable places in the ocean and drive at various sea stages,” Rear Adm. Peter Fanta, director of surface warfare, told The Associated Press.
ASSOCIATED PRESS
The USS Zumwalt makes its way down the Kennebec River as it heads out to sea for final builder trials.
Now that one of the ships is
complete, trials and an inspection by the Navy are all that remain
before the USS Zumwalt’s commissioning.
If all goes well, the USS Zumwalt will be commissioned in October, reports USNI News. It will be stationed in San Diego.
I have had to grow up fast, my childhood was lost at the age of 9 when my stepdad raped me.
As a child I was never the popular one, never the loud outgoing one. I was always the quiet and shy one.
I didn’t have many friends and as I lived in a small community I was
able to go off and play by myself at the beach, play park and on the
hills behind my house.
I lived on a small island I always felt safe
At five years old I was told by my mum that the person I grew up with as my dad wasn’t my dad but he still loved me.
When I was 7 years old my mum and “dad” broke up. I was gutted. My
mum soon met another man who I trusted straight away, he was lovely.
He would buy me anything I wanted, we use to walk around Tesco and I
could fill the trolley with anything I wanted and he would never say no
or put that back instead he would say !do you want this?”
Holding up a big tub of sweets.
My mum soon got engaged to him and I started to call him dad.
Time flew by, my mum and step dad had booked their wedding for April
1998 just before my 10th birthday, I was so excited my mum was so happy
everything was going good.
Three days before my mum got married we went to stay with my uncle as it was closer to where the wedding would take place.
I used to sleep in my uncle’s room with my brother who was 6, my
uncle would sleep on the couch and my mum and stepdad had the other
room.
The day before the wedding my mum went off to get pampered and my
step dad stayed behind to look after us. Later that afternoon I was in
bed watching TV, my brother was in the living room playing on the
Playstation, the house was full of noise from the stereo and computer.
My step dad came through to the room to check on me and I could smell
the alcohol on his breath. As he sat behind me asking questions about
the cartoon I was watching.
He gave me a massive hug and kissed my head.
I didn’t think anything of it.
The next thing I knew he had his hand over my mouth, flipping me over and stripping me naked.
I couldn’t do anything.
I tried to scream but my brother couldn’t hear me because he was 2 interested in his game and the music was loud.
My step dad pinned me down
My step dad raped me, I was only 9
Once he had finished he told me to go and have a shower, he stripped the bed and washed it.
When my mum came home he snogged the face off her, I felt fiscally sick.
As he left he whispered in my ear if you tell anyone they wont
believe you, you will be taken away and your mum will stop loving you.
I ran off and cried, I had no idea my stepdad raped me, I had no idea what that even was.
He told my mum it was because I was sad he was going away for the
night. My mum came and gave me a hug and called me a silly Billy.
Later that night me my mum and brother went out for dinner. I
couldn’t sit in peace because I was so sore. My mum put it down to
excitement.
The next day was the day of the wedding, I put on the best smile I
could and walked down the aisle with my mum and didn’t say a word.
I was scared and wanted so much to tell someone but at 9 years old
what was I to say, “my step dad raped me” wasn’t exactly a great
conversation topic at a family wedding.
Three weeks went past and nothing else had happened.
I thought it was the end of it
But I had spoken too soon, it started again every time my mum went to
work, my room my mum’s room any where he could get me, sometimes even
through the night if my mum was working a night shift, it got to the
point it was happening 3 times a day.
This became a routine and I just use to just lie there and take it.
Things became rocky between my mum and stepdad 4 years later.
My stepdad used to drink a bottle of wine each night and Guinness on
top, sometimes he would go for a drive absolutely paralytic.
The relationship soon came to an end because there was too much
pressure. My mum didn’t know what had gone wrong but she knew it was
time to say goodbye.
All the time I never said a thing
My mum met a new boyfriend a year down the line. I couldn’t trust
him, I did everything in my power to push him out my family. My stepdad
raped me, so I was convinced this one would do it too.
One day I was drunk at my friend’s house and we told each other all
our secrets, I told her that my step dad raped me all those years ago.
She swore not to tell anyone.
Weeks passed and nothing was said until I had a massive argument with my mum’s boyfriend.
He was pissed off that I was late home after my mum had given me a
time to be in by (it was also his birthday). My mum’s boyfriend went
loopy, sent me to my room and told my friend she would have to go.
Little did I know she said to my mum and her boyfriend she had to talk to them.
She told them I had been raped.
She told them everything.
I came out my room to my mum screaming, grabbing a knife from the kitchen and grabbing her boyfriend’s car keys.
I had to jump on her it took me and her boyfriend to calm her down
and get the knife off her, my mum’s boyfriend called the police.
I told them everything.
They arrested my mum’s ex, he was released on bail. It took 2 years to get him convicted.
He pleaded guilty to under age sex as his solicitor had told him I was willing to stand up in court and tell everything.
The evidence was stacked against him
I didn’t know but my brother had seen it once.
I had scarring down on my lady bits that proved forced entry.
I had all this and I really wanted to stand in court and tell everyone what he had done.
Unfortunately I didn’t get the opportunity too. He was given life on
the sex offender ’s register and community service . Not enough in my
book but it was a conviction.
To this day I still have nightmares.
But the one thing it has done is made me a stronger person.
I have a lovely husband that I trust 100%, four beautiful children and me and my mum couldn’t be stronger.
My stepdad raped me but the one thing “that man” will never do is make me suffer any more.
This is an anonymous blog post. You can share your own
experience to help others. All blog posts submitted via the blog
anonymously email form will be added to the blog anonymously for you,
just like this blog post has been.
Please don’t read and run, show your support by leaving a comment for this very brave mother.
Just days after a suspect in last year’s Paris attacks was taken into
custody, another set of coordinated assaults was launched on a city
that serves as the de facto capital of Europe.
Explosions at
Brussels’ two main transit hubs Tuesday left at least 30 people dead and
scores injured, and police launched a massive manhunt for one suspect
seen wheeling a luggage cart at the airport shortly before the first of
the blasts.
Bloodied travelers found themselves stranded in the Belgian
capital, home to the headquarters of the European Union and NATO, as it
was forced into virtual lockdown. Residents and visitors were ordered to
remain indoors as armed police and emergency services swept through the
streets.
Islamic State claimed responsibility for the explosions,
attributing them to a “security group from the soldiers of the
caliphate.” It warned ominously of more attacks: “What is coming is
worse and more bitter, God permitting.”
French President Francois Hollande summed up what
was on the minds of many. “Last year it was Paris. Today it is
Brussels. It’s the same attacks.”
Denouncing the attacks as “cowardly,” and asking for people to remain
calm, Belgian Prime Minister Charles Michel publicly mourned the dead.
“These
are lives broken in mid-flight — people who were going around most
likely without a care in their minds, on their way to work or to school,
and who have now been cut down by barbarism of the most extreme kind,”
Michel said.
About 8 a.m., two bombs exploded at Brussels Airport,
sending terrified travelers fleeing across baggage carousels and floors
littered with splintered glass and crumbled ceiling tiles. Both
explosions were believed to have been carried out by suicide bombers.
Images captured on shaky cellphone videos showed injured people walking
in a daze or lying down. Some were herded onto the tarmac. Witnesses
described victims with severed limbs.
Video from RTL Belgium
showed overturned luggage strewn around a terminal thick with smoke and
dust. In the background, the sound of a woman screaming could be heard.
“Everything is devastated. Nothing is left,” one man, who was inside the airport at the time, told Belgian TV.
About
an hour later, another bomb exploded, this time at the Maelbeek metro
station, near the political hub of the city and close to European Union
offices. Witnesses said they saw about a dozen people lying outside on
the sidewalk.
A spokeswoman for Brussels Metro told Belgian TV
that the explosion appeared to have been detonated inside a train car as
it pulled into the station.
Officials reported that 20 people were killed at the station and 14
at the airport, although they acknowledged that the numbers were
provisional. Well over 100 people were injured.
All flights at the airport were canceled until further notice.
President
Obama, in Havana, prefaced a speech to the Cuban people by condemning
“these outrageous attacks against innocent people.”
“We will do
whatever is necessary to support our friend and ally Belgium in bringing
to justice those who are responsible,” he said. “We can and we will
defeat those who threaten the safety and security of those all around
the world.”
The White House said the president had spoken with
Michel by phone, offering condolences and assistance. In Washington, the
Justice Department said that FBI and counter-terrorism officials were
working with their Belgian counterparts and that Atty. Gen. Loretta
Lynch had been briefed.
Among the seriously injured were three Utah men who had been in
Europe to serve the Paris mission of the Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints. The men, identified by church officials as Richard
Norby, 66, of Lehi, Joseph Empey, 20, of Santa Clara, and Mason Wells,
19, of Sandy, were at the airport to accompany a French missionary who
was on her way to Ohio. The Mormon church website said all four were
hospitalized.
A U.S. Air Force lieutenant colonel stationed at
Brunssum, the Netherlands, and his family were also injured in the
airport attack, according to the Air Force, which did not give details
about the injuries.
The State Department said it was unaware of
any Americans who had died in the attacks. Belgian authorities did not
immediately identify any of the dead.
Islamic State issued a
statement saying its attackers chose the sites “carefully” and were
“wrapped in explosive belts and carrying explosive canisters and machine
guns.”
“Thanks be to God for his accuracy and success, and we ask
God to accept our brothers among the martyrs,” the terrorist group
said.
Belgian federal police released a still image taken from a
Brussels Airport CCTV camera that shows three suspects. Two of the men
were “probably involved in a suicide attack,” according to a statement
released by the office of Belgium's federal prosecutor.
A cropped version of the photo was posted on the federal police's
official Twitter account, showing only the third man. “Who knows this
man?” the agency asked, referring to the suspect wearing a light-colored
jacket, hat and glasses and pushing a luggage cart with a black bag.
During
a raid conducted in Schaerbeek, a district in the wider
Brussels-Capital region, authorities found chemicals, an Islamic State
flag and an explosive device containing nails, according to the federal
prosecutor's office.
The attack on Brussels came four months after
Paris found itself under siege in a series of coordinated explosions
and shootings that killed 130 people. During raids led by French
officials, some of the attackers were killed while others were taken
into custody.
One suspect was on the run until authorities
apprehended him Friday in Brussels. Salah Abdeslam, a French national
who was born in Belgium, had planned to be a suicide bomber, but backed
out, authorities said. They also said Abdeslam had helped create a
jihadist network centered in the city and was planning a fresh attack. A
large cache of weapons had been discovered along with Abdeslam.
Although
the capture was touted as a success — and Abdeslam was reportedly
cooperating with French authorities — it also appeared to show that the
number of people involved in the Paris attacks could be far larger than
first thought. Officials had warned of possible retaliatory attacks
because other terrorists were still operating.
The Brussels
attacks struck two obvious targets, demonstrating once again how
difficult it is for governments to prevent terrorism.
They also
shed light on the power of Islamic State to utilize radicalized Western
Muslims already in place. Much as in Paris, some areas of Brussels have
long had a reputation as incubators of Islamist radicalism.
Still, Belgium was among the first
countries to join the U.S.-led military coalition against Islamic State,
carrying out airstrikes in Iraq and helping Americans train, advise and
assist the Iraqi army. The North Atlantic Treaty Organization, the
international military alliance, is based in Brussels.
The U.S.
European Command, which oversees military operations on the continent,
prohibited any Defense Department personnel from traveling to Brussels
on Tuesday “as a precautionary measure” unless specially approved.
The State Department warned all Americans to be vigilant when traveling in Europe.
“Terrorist
groups continue to plan near-term attacks throughout Europe, targeting
sporting events, tourist sites, restaurants and transportation,” the
department said.
U.S. cities stepped up security measures Tuesday, especially at
airports and in transit systems, in the aftermath of the bombings in
Brussels. However, the Department of Homeland Security said no credible
threats have been detected against U.S. targets.
Shortly after the
attacks, British, French and German government officials issued
statements pledging support for Belgium. German Chancellor Angela Merkel
called for “solidarity with the victims” in the “fight against
terrorists.”
The Eiffel Tower glowed in black, yellow and red — the colors of the Belgian flag.
Belgium’s King Philippe asked his people for a display of dignity.
“We
are faced with a threat, but we will continue to work together,” he
said. “We must continue to trust ourselves. This is our strength.”
Social
media buzzed with condolences. Belgians began to reach out to stranded
travelers via Twitter, offering shelter, food, even beer. And around the
city, symbols cropped up that showed many refused to panic or live in
fear.
On a sidewalk, someone had scrawled in chalk, “Faites des frites, pas le guerre”: Make French fries, not war. Special
correspondents Chad and Boyle reported from Brussels and London,
respectively. Times staff writer Knoll reported from Los Angeles.
Contributing to this report were special correspondents Erik Kirschbaum
in Brussels, Kim Willsher in Paris and Nabih Bulos in Beirut; Times
staff writers W.J. Hennigan, Brian Bennett and Tracy Wilkinson in
Washington and Richard Winton and Braden Goyette in Los Angeles.
On Tuesday morning, explosions rocked the airport and subway system in Brussels, Belgium, killing 12 people and injuring far more.
The attacks come just four months after their southern neighbors in
France suffered a similar tragedy (though, as of 8:30 a.m. EST, the
Brussels explosions have not been confirmed as terrorism), and now a
French cartoonist is reaching out in support with a beautiful tribute.
The French newspaper Le Monde posted a tribute from renowned cartoonist Plantu, showing France supporting Belgium in its time of need.
The photo has more than
5,000 likes on Instagram and 14,000 retweets on Twitter — though some
commenters noted that other recent terror attack sites, like Istanbul
and Ankara, arguably should have been represented as well.
Speaking at a press conference Tuesday, French President Francois Hollande said
the two countries are now "linked with horror," and that Belgium has
the full support of the French government. Meanwhile, Belgians are
reaching out to anyone who needs it with the hashtag #IkWilHelpen, which
translates to #IWantToHelp, offering space in their homes or rides in
their cars to anyone who needs to get home.
It's September. That time of year when the air is
cool enough to let you enjoy the sun beating down as you sit on a
terrace sipping a glass of sangria. I'm laughing with my best friend
about her disastrous dates. I used to be able to relate, but recently,
it has been all about which flowers will be in my bouquet, who makes the
guest list, what to do with those relatives I haven't seen in 10 years
but Mom says I "absolutely need" to include. The venue is booked, we're
having a ceremony in an intimate chapel, the caterer and menu are
planned, and I've even met the perfect photographer.
I'm sitting on the terrace, laughing with my best friend because she's just helped me pick out my wedding dress.
It's
been eight months since the proposal — a totally unexpected,
exhilarating moment of my life, solidifying the feelings I've had with
my partner for over five years. It started as puppy love and turned into
full-time jobs, a shared apartment and two actual puppies. (Really
freaking cute puppies.)
And then it came undone.
It's
September, and the love of my life comes home to tell me he doesn't
want the responsibility of being with me. After crying and begging and
having him stomp out of my apartment, I call my best friend, and she
comes over to help pack my suitcases.
I decide to change my situation. I realize that I
now have no responsibility and I can do anything I want. I decide with
my best friend that I'm going to do things differently. I'm going to
conquer things head-on, challenge myself, find what I love, and do it
with passion.
Just when I start liking myself
again, I find someone else to like, too. But it's complicated because I
don't want to relive the past. I don't want to fall head-over-heels for
someone, move too quickly, and let go of newly found single-hood, where I
can do anything and everything.
So I get on a
plane without a return date and wave goodbye to the guy I just uttered
the words "I love you" to. Because it can't be true; it has only been
one year since my heart was torn to pieces and flushed down the toilet.
We'll know if it's real when I'm on the other side of the world,
pretending not to love each other, pretending I need space to figure it
out.
We both date other people while staying up
to wee hours of morning to catch a "hello" from each other in different
time zones. People pass through both of our lives, leaving their own
marks, but the only person I want to tell about my thoughts and
perceptions of the world is on the other side of a screen, waiting for a
"ping" to tell him I'm online. I'm online because I hope he's online.
And
then the world leads me through some really great moments and some
really bad moments, and I decide to come home to figure out my life
because now I'm confused. At 22, I had everything planned out, and now
at 25 I haven't got a clue.
Then I see him for
the first time, and we've both changed a little. He's taken on new
hobbies, altered his career, lost a bit of hair, but is still just as
damn charming. And me — I've changed my views on the world. I've become
more me, whoever that might be.
We end
our night in a warm embrace, talking about the details of our lives that
were left out over text messages. My friends back home are now older,
and engaged and planning babies. But I've been through that — I've been
through more than that.
It's September. We're moving in together, planning a life together, planning to travel together.
The FBI says it may have found a way to unlock the San Bernardino attacker's iPhone without Apple's assistance.
A
court hearing with Apple scheduled for Tuesday has been postponed at
the request of the US Justice Department (DOJ), Apple has confirmed.
The DOJ had ordered Apple to help unlock the phone used by San Bernardino gunman Rizwan Farook.
But Apple has continued to fight the order, saying it would set a "dangerous precedent".
Rizwan Farook and his wife killed 14 people in San Bernardino, California, last December before police fatally shot them.
Analysis: Dave Lee, BBC North America technology reporter
Ever
since this issue arose, security experts have been saying "surely the
FBI can do this themselves?" Well, maybe now they can.
An "outside
party" - you'd assume a security company, but we don't know for sure -
has approached the FBI and said it could unlock the phone.
If they
can do it, the court case is irrelevant. The FBI gets what they need.
But if it doesn't work, we'll find ourselves back here to resume the
trial.
Apple's legal team told reporters it wasn't treating it as
a legal victory. The issue still looms large over the company. If the
FBI has found a way, who's to say it'll always work? Apple will, as any
software maker would, frantically try and fix the flaw. After all - if
the FBI can do it, so can any other hacker privy to the same
information.
If this method works, then what? With each new iteration of iOS, Apple could find itself back in court.
The
technology industry, led by Apple, has called for the matter to be
debated in Congress. This case may be on the brink of going away, but
the debate is just starting. Prosecutors said "an outside party" had demonstrated
a possible way of unlocking the iPhone without the need to seek Apple's
help.
"Testing is required to determine whether it is a viable
method that will not compromise data on Farook's iPhone," a court filing
said.
"If the method is viable, it should eliminate the need for the assistance from Apple."
DOJ
spokeswoman Melanie Newman said in a statement that the government was
"cautiously optimistic" that the possible method to unlock the phone
would work.
The government said it would update the court on 5 April.
Attorneys for Apple told reporters that the firm had no idea what method the FBI was exploring to try to unlock the phone.
They said they hoped that the government would share with Apple any vulnerabilities of the iPhone that might come to light.
The
FBI says Farook and his wife Tashfeen Malik were inspired by so-called
Islamic State and that the encrypted iPhone may contain crucial
evidence.
It wants to access the data but the device can only be unlocked by entering the correct passcode.
Guessing
the code incorrectly too many times could permanently delete all data
on the phone, so the FBI had asked Apple to develop a new version of its
operating system that circumvents some of its security features.
Last month the DOJ obtained a court order directing Apple to create that software,
But
Apple has fought back, stating that creating a compromised version of
the operating system would have security implications for millions of
iPhone users and would set a precedent.
The company has received
support from other tech giants including, Google, Microsoft, and
Facebook, as it resisted a court order to unlock the iPhone.
Regular sex cannot be underestimated as a factor for reducing stress,
bolstering self-esteem and fostering feelings of intimacy and bonding
between partners.
But the real point of this article is the fact that a healthy sex
life can provide for a longer, healthier and, most would agree, more
enjoyable life. Among the many health benefits of sex are: 1. Improved Immunity
People who have sex frequently (one or two times a week) have significantly higher levels of immunoglobulin A (IgA).1 Your IgA immune system is your body's first line of defense.
Its job is to fight off invading organisms at their entry points,
reducing or even eliminating the need for activation of your body's
immune system. This may explain why people who have sex frequently also
take fewer sick days.2
2. Heart Health
Men who made love regularly (at least twice a week) were 45 percent
less likely to develop heart disease than those who did so once a month
or less, according to one study.3
Sexual activity not only provides many of the same benefits to your
heart as exercise but also keeps levels of estrogen and testosterone in
balance, which is important for heart health.
3. Lower Blood Pressure
Sexual activity, and specifically intercourse, is linked to better stress response and lower blood pressure.4
4. It's a Form of Exercise
Sex helps to boost your heart rate, burn calories and strengthen
muscles, just like exercise. In fact, research recently revealed that
sex burns about 4 calories a minute for men and 3 for women, making it
(at times) a 'significant' form of exercise.5 It can even help you to maintain your flexibility and balance.
5. Pain Relief
Sexual activity releases pain-reducing hormones and has been found to
help reduce or block back and leg pain, as well as pain from menstrual
cramps, arthritis and headaches. One study even found that sexual
activity can lead to partial or complete relief of headache in some
migraine and cluster-headache patients.6
6. May Help Reduce Risk of Prostate Cancer
Research has shown that men who ejaculate at least 21 times a month
(during sex or masturbation) have a lower risk of prostate cancer.7 This link needs to be explored further, however, as there may have been additional factors involved in the association.
7. Improve Sleep
After sex, the relaxation-inducing hormone prolactin is released,
which may help you to nod off more quickly. The "love hormone" oxytocin,
released during orgasm, also promotes sleep.
8. Stress Relief
Sex triggers your body to release its natural feel-good chemicals,
helping to ease stress and boost pleasure, calm and self-esteem.
Research also shows that those who have sexual intercourse responded
better when subjected to stressful situations like speaking in public.8
9. Boost Your Libido
The more often you have sex, the more likely you are to want to keep
doing it. There's a mental connection there but also a physical one,
particularly for women. More frequent sex helps to increase vaginal
lubrication, blood flow and elasticity,9 which in turn make sexual activity more enjoyable.
10. Improved Bladder Control in Women
Intercourse helps to strengthen your pelvic floor muscles, which
contract during orgasm. This can help women to improve their bladder
control and avoid incontinence. You can boost this benefit even more by
practicing Kegel exercises during sex (a Kegel squeeze is performed by
drawing your lower pelvic muscles up and holding them up high and tight,
as if you're trying to stop a flow of urine).
11. Increase Intimacy and Improve Your Relationship
Sex and orgasms result in increased levels of the hormone oxytocin --
the "love" hormone -- that helps you feel bonded to your partner, and
better experience empathic connections
Jenner, who was also spotted at The Nice Guy with her friends, shared
a series of photos from her fun-filled night on Instagram on Saturday,
March 19.
Earlier this week, Jenner revisited the moment when she first met Tyga, when she was just 14 years old at sister Kendall Jenner’s Sweet 16 party. Kylie posted the amazingly awkward clips on Snapchat as she watched an old episode of KUWTK on Wednesday, March 16.
The truth i ask would Jenner and Tyga be having a good time in the bedroom or they are just media folks well i guess every form of publicity is worth anything ..
The key to a successful marriage is putting your spouse’s needs ahead of
your own. Here are 25 practical suggestions gleaned from 25 years of
happy marriage.
Listen
To be truly heard is the longing of every human heart, and your wife is
no exception. It sounds simple, but listening can be harder than it
seems with so many distractions around us and within us. Set aside some
time every day to look into your wife’s eyes and really listen to what
she has to say. You may be surprised at what you hear. (James 1:19, Matthew 11:15)
Communicate
Don’t make her guess what you are thinking or feeling.
Sing Her Praises
Shamelessly brag about her good qualities and quietly pray about her bad ones. Her reputation is your reputation. (Proverbs 31:28-29)
Pray For Her and With Her Praying on your wife’s behalf
not only enlists the help of the Almighty, but also puts her and her
needs at the forefront of your heart and mind, right where they belong.
Praying alongside your wife will strengthen your relationship like
nothing else. Studies show that couples who regularly pray together stay
together, enjoying a 1% divorce rate compared to the usual rate of 50%
or more. (Philippians 4:6; Matthew 18:19)
Value Her Individuality
Your wife is wonderfully unique. Don’t compare her to your mom, or your
ex-wife, or your old girlfriend. Your mom may make the best chocolate
chip cookies in the world, but unfavorable comparisons won’t win you
brownie points.
Put the Seat Down
Perpetually raised toilet seats are a pet peeve of wives everywhere. And
while you’re at it, tidy up a bit. A little consideration goes a long
way. (Philippians 2:4)
Throw Your Dirty Clothes in the Hamper
It’s likely just a few steps from wherever you are dropping them anyway.
Make this a habit, and it will let your wife know your don’t consider
her your personal maid.
Turn Off the T.V.
Lay aside the video games, pocket the iPhone, and shut off the computer,
as well. It is staggering how many hours we waste gazing at some sort
of screen instead of interacting with the real people in our lives.
Consciously set limits on your tube-time, whatever form it takes. Use
the time saved to invest in your marriage: take a walk with your wife or
play a board game together instead. (Psalm 90:12)
Loosen the Purse Strings
We all have to keep an eye on our budget, but an occasional splurge can
be well worth it. Seemingly frivolous things like flowers, jewelry, and
overpriced restaurants let her know that she is more valuable to you
than a number in your bank account.
Practice Servant-Leadership
All organizations have a hierarchy. It’s impossible to function without
one, but being a leader isn’t the same as being a dictator. The best
role model is Jesus Christ, not Joseph Stalin. Jesus washed his
disciples feet and then died on their behalf. It’s a challenge to
exercise authority while maintaining a spirit of humility, but that is
what being a godly leader entails. (Matthew 20:28, Philippians 2:1-8; Mark 9:35)
Remember that Intimacy’s a Two-Way Street
Unfortunately, men are notoriously selfish in the bedroom, yet are
dumbfounded when their wives are less than enthusiastic in this arena.
Make this area of your relationship as pleasurable for her as it is for
you and it will pay huge dividends. It may mean washing the dishes or
helping with the kids, so that she has energy left at the end of the
day. It may mean cuddling and candlelight, so that she can relax and let
the worries on her mind drift away. If you aren’t sure where to begin,
just ask her, and then listen. (1 Corinthians 7:3)
Give Her Time to Herself
Everyone needs an occasional break to rest and recharge, and this is
especially important for a wife who is at home all day with young
children. Yet it’s very easy to neglect this legitimate need unless you
regularly and intentionally schedule time for it. (Luke 5:16)
Set Aside Couple Time
Soak in the tub together each evening or go on a date night once a week —
whatever gets the two of you alone on a regular basis. (Genesis 2:24-25)
Be Careful with Female Friendships
We all have friends and colleagues of the opposite sex, but tread
cautiously. Not all affairs are physical ones. Honoring your marriage
vows means remaining faithful in thought and word as well as in deed. (Matthew 5:27-28)
Use Good Hygiene
It is amazing how meticulous guys can be prior to marriage in their
attempts to impress a girl, but once they walk down the aisle, all bets
are off. Clean up a little; I promise it won’t kill you.
Limit the Gross Stuff
Few women find burping and farting nearly as hilarious as the typical guy does. Good manners are always a win. (Ephesians 5:4)
Cherish Her Children
A mother’s bond to her children runs immeasurably deep. When you invest
time or energy in them, you are investing in her as well. Kindness to
them counts as kindness to her. (Malachi 4:6)
Choose Her Over Hobbies and Buddies
Invariably there will come times in your relationship when you will be
forced to choose between your wife and something else that you enjoy.
Always choose her.
Provide for Her Needs
This is so much more than just putting food on the table. It is
all-encompassing. Whether it is physical needs, emotional needs,
spiritual needs, you name it — do your best to provide. Sometimes life’s
circumstances hinder us in one area, but we can compensate in another
area. Often the effort is as important as the outcome. (Galatians 6:2)
Dial Down the Anger
Your caveman instincts are handy on the battlefield, but horrible for a
happy home life. Every outburst or flare-up is a relationship setback.
To go forward, the first step is to stop going backwards. Learn to
control your temper or it will control you, your marriage, and every
other aspect of your life. Just because your wife puts up with it and
your co-workers tolerate it, doesn’t make your short fuse an asset. Do
whatever it takes to gain victory in this all-important struggle that
has haunted man since Cain slew Abel. (Ecclesiastes 7:9, Ephesians 4:31)
Cut Out the Condescension
If you have been blessed with a quick wit, you can either be the life of
the party or a pain in the neck depending on the circumstances.
Condescension is anger’s younger brother. It isn’t as loud or as
dramatic, but it can be equally hurtful and all the more so for its
subtlety. Lay off the snide remarks, the sarcasm, and the belittling.
Speak to your wife in the same way that you would speak to a respected
colleague. She is, after all, your partner in the most valuable
investment of your life — your family.(, (Ephesians 4:29, Colossians 3:19)
Actively Seek Your Wife’s Insights
Value her input and give it a preferential place in your decision-making process. (Proverbs 19:20; 12:15)
Learn to Forgive
Freely forgive your wife’s past, present, and future offenses.
Forgiveness is at the heart of the gospel and at the heart of every
meaningful relationship. (Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:13)
Verbally Express Your Love
There are lots of ways to show your love, but women still like to hear it spoken.
Obviously no list is comprehensive, and one size certainly doesn’t
fit all, but hopefully this one will prompt you to compile a list of
your own, tailor-made for your own wife. For any women reading this
blog, you may be interested to know that my wife has published a similar
list entitled 25 Ways to Show Respect to Your Husband. Check it out and let me know what you think.
TMI: Kim shares her raunchy Valentine's Day gift guide
Kim Kardashian has left a few fans raising their eyebrows as she shared a very raunchy Valentine’s Day gift guide.
The
mum-of-two took to her website on Tuesday to list a number of gifts for
Behind Closed Doors, including handcuffs, a riding crop and a stripper
pole.
As well as those kinky items, the guide also listed Lelo’s
flickering touch massage candle for $35, a silk blindfold for $69, rose
petals for $86 and Valentino Body Oil for $46.
For fans who have a
few thousand quid lying about, she also listed Armand de Brignac’s Brut
de Rose Champagne at a cost of $10,000.
X-rated: Kim shared this banner above her raunchy list
The more budget-conscious items included an edible thong for $10 and a board game called Let’s F**k - The XXX Sex Board Game.
Kim’s kinky list comes after Kanye’s ex Amber Rose shared a very personal insight into the ex-couple’s sex life.
Getty
TMI, Kim?
Read more:Kanye West denies Amber Rose's vulgar sex tweet
She
posted a rather explicit tweet about her past sex antics with Kanye,
writing: "Awww @ kanyewest are u mad I'm not around to play in ur
a****le anymore? #FingersInTheBootyA**B**ch."
Kanye later denied
Amber’s claims, tweeting: "Exes can be mad but just know I never let
them play with my a**... I don't do that... I stay away from that area
all together.
"I'm not into that kind of s***... I like pictures
and videos Me and my wife got the kind of love that can turn exes into
best friends (sic)."
Definitely TMI.
Hulk Hogan was a publicity hound who couldn’t resist the cameras — even
after his sex tape surfaced, the woman in the raunchy footage testified
Wednesday.
Heather Cole tearfully recalled in a taped deposition played for a
Florida jury her frustration after Hogan went on a media blitz following
the video’s publication on Gawker in 2012.
The grainy, edited footage showed Cole having sex with Hogan, who at
the time was the best friend of her kinky hubby, shock jock Bubba the
Love Sponge.
“I felt more embarrassed,” she said of Hogan’s public comments about the tape. “I wanted it to go away.” GAWKER CHIEF READS LINES FROM HULK HOGAN SEX TAPE TO JURY
Cole, 41, added that in her opinion, the pro wrestling superstar enjoyed publicity.
She said that she agreed to sleep with Hogan at her husband’s behest in
2006 — contradicting the wrestler’s earlier statement on the stand that
Cole had hounded him for sex.
“I was asked to go to Mr. Bollea’s room by my husband, and I did,” Cole said, using Hogan’s real name, Terry Bollea.
Her tearful testimony was the most damning moment yet for Hogan, 62,
during the two-week trial. Hogan is suing Gawker for $100 million,
arguing the publication of the video represented an invasion of his
privacy and damaged his personal life.
STEVE NESIUS/AP
Hulk Hogan says the sex tape was filmed without his permission.
But Cole’s deposition painted a picture of a pervy household during her
marriage with Bubba, who was born Todd Alan Clem. Hogan was a regular. HULK HOGAN BLAMES WIFE FOR HIM SLEEPING WITH PAL'S SPOUSE
“Did Mr. Clem generally pick who you had sex with?” she was asked
during the deposition shown to the St. Petersburg, Fla., jury.
“On the occasion that I had sex with someone other than him, yes,” Cole replied.
But, Cole said, she and the former WWE heavyweight champ were unaware
they were being filmed in a bedroom at Bubba’s home — one of at least
three occasions she slept with the Hulkster.
When she realized Bubba, 49, had recorded the deed she became upset and demanded the video be destroyed, Cole said.
She thought Bubba — whom she later divorced — had complied with her
request until the tape appeared on Gawker. Clem now goes by Heather
Cole.
Bubba’s attorney has said he will invoke the Fifth Amendment and not
testify in the case. He and Hogan reportedly settled a lawsuit stemming
from the leak of the sex tape for $5,000.
Stephen Yang/AP
Gawker
lawyer Michael Sullivan defended the site's former editor-in-chief A.J.
Daulerio, saying Hogan's boasting about his sex life diminished his
right to privacy.
Earlier, an expert testifying for Gawker said that the site earned all
of $10,000 from the post that could potentially leave it bankrupt.
Tech consultant Peter Horan said that since advertisements did not run
alongside the popular sex tape post, earnings were minimal.
“This is the type of post that scares off more advertisers than (it) attracts,” Horan said.
Under cross-examination, Hogan's attorneys countered that the story
that received 5.4 million visits was valuable to Gawker in ways that
couldn't be calculated through traffic alone.
“I just took the traffic at face value,” Horan said.
He analyzed data that found Gawker earned $8,200 from visitors who went
from the Hogan post to other pages on the website. Gawker earned a
paltry $2,762 from people who went from the sex tape post to other
websites.
The testimony will be used by jurors to calculate damages if they find Gawker committed wrongdoing by posting the tape.
Hogan says the sex was recorded without his permission.
Gawker argues that Hogan is a public figure who has a limited right to
privacy due to his larger-than-life persona and frequent boasts about
his sex life.
The 14-year-old disappeared last Saturday. An Amber Alert was issued early Monday morning.
Houston TV station, KTRK reports on Wednesday, a gardener stumbled
upon a decomposed body and called police.Coronado’s ID was determined
through fingerprint verification by the Harris County Institute of
Forensic Sciences.
Authorities say it appears she died from multiple gunshot wounds.
Her father, Caesar Coronado, also was found murdered. His burned body was discovered Monday in a rural part of Walker County.
The search is on for the pair’s killers.
Investigators believe Adriana, a high school freshman, was with her father when he was killed.
Trigger warning
Models. Rape. Eating disorders. Sexual abuse. Mental health.
While all of the above are quick to grab attention, they are also
quick to receive criticism because most people do not understand them.
In my episode of Real Women Real Stories, and my upcoming memoir, Washed Away: From Darkness to Light, I talk about all of the above, because I was a successful model who experienced all of the dark issues you can imagine.
Thankfully, I have recovered from a 17-year battle with eating
disorders, PTSD from childhood abuse, sexual victimization, depression,
and so on. But during my career as a fashion and swimsuit model, the
industry definitely exacerbated my issues — and created new ones.
I’m speaking out in the hopes that others will come forward, use
their voices and get the help they need. These are “silent” issues that
shouldn’t remain so. My struggles could be yours, or your son’s or
daughter’s — tragedies and mental health conditions affect everyone,
anytime, anywhere.
When I was modeling at one of the most prestigious agencies in the
world, I booked coveted editorials and covers, sprinkled with some big
campaigns, but everything came with a high price — as we often hear
about within the modeling and entertainment industries. It’s currently
poorly regulated but I, along with Assemblymember Marc Levine and some
other incredible people, are pushing for change.
There were regular pressures to sleep around with the director of my
agency, constant “model dinners” he organized that involved the owner of
the agency, the director and his friends, and select models. The
director had a girlfriend, however he was always booking her on long
shoots faraway and that conveniently freed him up so that he could have
girls over at his luxurious house. He didn’t waste anytime in asking me,
over and over, to come back to his place.
“My struggles could be yours, or your son’s or
daughter’s — tragedies and mental health conditions affect everyone,
anytime, anywhere.”
At the time, I felt pressured to do what I did, and to not use my
voice. Now things are different because I’ve dealt with the issues from
my childhood and know how to say “NO.” However, back then I was a
people-pleaser and felt that I had to give in to pressures because I had
no self-esteem. I was so used to being abused and letting others
control me that I allowed those situations to continue. And letting
others abuse me eventually got me into serious trouble.
All of this led to being drugged and raped. Raped by a photographer
at a lunch that was organized by the director of my agency. Where did
this rape occur? At the director’s very own house in Miami, who had
assured me that on that day, everything would be glorious because he was
holding a special casting with the photographer, just for me and his
girlfriend. Later, when I confronted the director about what had
happened, I was shot down and made to feel as though I was insane. No one deserves to be raped. Ever. In any situation.
A naked female is not a open invitation for a male or female to rape
her. A male who repeatedly says “No,” “No,” No,” to a female or male who
then ignores his voice and has sex with him anyways has every right to
assume that he has, in fact, been raped.
Yet, society will oftentimes believe the perpetrators of rape and
give cold eyes to the victims, which in turn, leaves the victims with
feelings of shame and quite frankly, re-victimizes them. So a victim of
rape has at least two perpetrators: the one who raped and those who do
not believe the victim. And this attitude of denial trickles into so
many areas: mental health, eating disorders, the modeling industry,
addiction and so on. It is so much easier for individuals to look away
because to try to understand and love others means two things: time and
effort. Most people would rather play the denial game and assume the
worst about those subjects than become educated.
“When I confronted the director about what had happened, I was shot down and made to feel as though I was insane. “
Especially with models, society tends to think that they are not
intelligent, only “good enough” for taking photos, or then there is the
other end of the scale where people believe that models live a glamorous
life and don’t experience anything “real.” All of these assumptions are
completely inaccurate; models are human beings who deserve to be
treated as such and with respect and kindness.
Their world is anything but glamorous — in fact, it can be a
downright disgusting business that is in dire need of restructuring. And
to undermine their worth and value is to fuel the cycle that keeps
people everywhere — not just models — mentally, physically, emotionally
and spiritually sick.
If we are to break these vicious cycles in society and lessen, for example, the statistics of rape, we must become educated, learn to take personal responsibility and love one another — it’s how healing takes place.
Sleeping with your coworkers can be a tricky business. (Just ask Melanie Griffith halfway through “Working Girl.”) But according to a recent survey conducted by Business Insider, a whole lot of people get romantically (or physically) involved with their colleagues.
We were curious about the realities of office sex — did most people
have positive experiences? Terrible ones? Were these interactions just
sexual flings or did they turn into extended romantic relationships? So
we asked HuffPost readers, both male and female, to chime in and share
their stories. “Sometimes we give each other that look of ‘if only they knew.’”
He technically isn’t a co-worker, we just work in the same building.
All the women in the building talk about him and how good looking he is.
I obviously agreed, though I never thought that flashing a smile here
and there and having quick flirty conversations every once in awhile
would lead to anything. Eventually, he asked me out and we went out a
couple of times before we hooked up. It isn’t anything serious and it’s
still going on. We both agreed that we would NEVER mention our situation
to anyone at work because people would most definitely gossip about us.
When we are around each other at work, we just act normal and sometimes
we give each other that look of “if only they knew.”
I don’t think there is anything wrong [with office sex] if you can
keep your work and personal life separate. I think our arrangement works
because we aren’t look to be in a relationship, we are just having fun.
—24-year-old woman, Boston
“The thought of doing it right there where people work was intense”
We had just started dating and we worked in a computer room. We first
worked together — she was my supervisor. Then she was transferred to a
different department but still worked in the same computer room. A
couple of things happened. We worked nights frequently. We would flirt
around constantly, playing little games like giving each other dirty
handwritten notes or playing grab-a** as we passed by each other while
no one was looking. One night when the two of us were alone in the
office the games started getting really heavy we were outside of the
computer room in an open office area and she laid down on the floor then
we stripped each other’s clothes off just enough. And then we started
having sex. It was a bit tough at times because she complained about the
carpet on her body and it was hurting my knees as well. But it was so
hot that [the carpet] didn’t stop us. The thought of doing it right
there where people work was intense. Afterwards when we would see each
other in the area during the day we’d give each other an evil grin —
like, “oh yeah we did!” —50-year-old man, California
“Dynamics change when sex is involved”
Dan took me under his wing at my first attempt at working retail;
fresh out of college I thought I’d struck workplace gold. He was a year
or two younger than me but we shared similar interests and he was
approachable enough to ask questions when I couldn’t figure something
out. After a few months, our flirty exchanges had grown into a
friendship. One day Dan asked me on a date after work, and I accepted
not thinking much of it. I had just gotten out of a bad relationship
and I could use a drink or five.
I’d never dated a co-worker, never thought I would, and I definitely
didn’t want to date him. Dan was cute enough to flirt with when work got
boring and nice enough to talk to on a break, but that was it. We had a
few drinks too many, one thing led to the other and next thing you know
we are romping in his bedroom somewhere in Jersey. My first one night
stand (because I wouldn’t do that again) and my first and only fling
with him. The next morning I woke up casually, pulled myself together
and he escorted me all the way back into the city. I knew he wanted
something more, and that was something I just couldn’t give him. I’d
made it clear to him that that day was a one-time deal.
Things at work got weird. His demeanor toward me shifted. He would
get mad at me in front of clients if I took too long to respond to him,
if I seemed uninterested or if I was plain too busy with work. I
confronted him about how unprofessional it was and he’d say “sorry” but
would continue making comments here and there, giving me dirty looks, or
confronting about things in fits of jealousy. After this experience I
am wary of creating any sort of relationship other than a professional
one with co-workers. Things tend to get tricky when you spend so many
hours of your day around a set of people and dynamics somehow change
when sex is involved. —25-year-old woman, Miami
“The interview almost immediately felt like a date”
I needed a job quickly as I had just gotten laid off from an office
job. I found myself outside the doors of a restaurant. I was reluctant,
but went in an applied for a job. I was interviewed my the manager on
the spot, [and the] interview almost immediately felt like a date. It
was casual with lots of laughter and I thoroughly enjoyed the
conversation.
Four months later, I received a phone call around 8 o’clock from this
manager. We spoke for quite literally 12 hours. The very next night, I
was over his apartment and it feels like I have never left since. I
ended up moving to a new restaurant as my staying would jeapordize his
job — but we’ve been married for a year and together for six years! —28-year-old woman, Arizona
“Everything was fine — until we broke up”
So I was a professional musical theater actress for a while and I was
dating a fellow cast member during a dance-intensive show. Everything
was fine — until we broke up. Since he was the largest man and I was the
smallest woman in the cast, we had many dance lifts together during the
show, the sort of death defying pick-you-up-and-spin-you-over-my-head
sort. Needless to say, he got vindictive and dropped me several times
during rehearsal. It was childish and stupid, and gave me more than a
few bumps and bruises. I wouldn’t recommend dating your lift partner.
Believe me, it doesn’t turn out well. Fortunately the director took note
and he wasn’t given dance roles after that. —23-year-old woman, Seattle
“Today he is still with his wife and I have raised our son singlehandedly.”
I ‘hooked up’ with a co-worker. We both worked for a large,
multi-national company. Many of the (male) staff spent their week away
from home and returned home over the weekend. We ended up sharing a
house and I used to take him to the airport on Friday evenings and pick
him up on Monday morning! That was over 20 years ago. Today he is still
with his wife and I have raised our son singlehandedly.
[My son is] a successful young man now at university getting a math
degree. He has never seen or spoken to his father! Will they ever meet?
How would his father feel? How would my son feel? I loved my son’s
father and don’t know if we will ever meet again. Life has gone on and
my son has only ever bought me joy. He is a product of an affair,
illegitimate and unplanned. Yet this has never been an obstacle in his
life or prevented him from being the intelligent, kind, funny and
successful young man that he is. My heart has ached over the years but
now it has healed. —53-year-old woman, England
“I cheated on my boyfriend with one of the managers at my old job”
I cheated on my boyfriend with one of the managers at my old job. I
ended up breaking it off with my boyfriend and marrying my manager! When
my boss found out we were dating, my hours were cut from 20+ hours a
week to five hours a week. He also made my time there absolutely
miserable so I quit and found a new job: motherhood. —21-year-old woman, Seattle
“Perks of the job, I suppose”
When I got my first job after uni (managing a small country pub), I
had a few female co-workers. One I fancied like mad but she wasn’t
interested. Another was young and impressionable, and I’ll happily admit
was infatuated with me. We often shared drinks after work and spent the
nights on the sofa in the bar.
Perks of the job, I suppose! —25-year-old man, England
“Our relationship was against company policy, so we had to keep it hidden”
I’ve slept with a co-worker. We were in college, we had all the same
friends and [we] hung out after work. One night after a handle of vodka
the inevitable happened. In fact, it happened about four times that
night. And then every day after that. We broke up a few weeks later.
Working together was so awkward. He brought another girl to work one
evening and I freaked out a little.
We got back together. He got promoted. Our relationship was against
company policy, so we had to keep it hidden, even from our friends that
we saw every night. [Eventually], he quit his job and we “came out” at
the company party. Everyone was shocked. We’ve been together eight years
and got married in February! —30-year-old woman, Houston
“The entire time, my mind kept repeating, ‘this is bad, you shouldn’t be doing this’”
I am very conscious about keeping my personal and professional lives
separate. However, one night, a co-worker and I ended up grabbing a
couple drinks. It was meant to be just a couple post-work drinks, vent
about the day, etc., but those drinks took us to a dark, poorly-lit bar
oozing with sexual chemistry and pockets of isolation.
Then, one of those movie moments happened: he put his hand around my
waist, I put mine on his shoulder. He looked down at me and I looked up,
and then, it happened — this incredible, inappropriate, “I know I
shouldn’t be doing this” kiss. It then morphed into, “let’s go to your
place” which then led to the most erotic, shameful and amazing sex I’d
had up until that point. The entire time, my mind kept repeating “this
is bad, you shouldn’t be doing this, this is just stupid” but my body
was loving every second of it. I haven’t indulged since, but it’s
definitely one of the most intense experiences I’ve had. —30-year-old woman, Oregon