11 Facts About Healthy Living; Learn and Grow!!!

Welcome to DoSomething.org, one of the largest orgs for young people and social change! After you've browsed the 11 facts (with citations at the bottom), take action and volunteer with our millions of members. Sign up for a campaign and make the world suck less.

1. More than 1/3 of adults and over 12.5 million children and teens in the US are obese. In the last 30 years, obesity in children and teens has nearly tripled.
2. One can of soda contains 10 teaspoons of sugar and the average American adult drinks 500 cans of soda every year, estimating about 52 pounds of sugar consumed in soft drinks alone.
3. In a survey of 9th through 12th graders in 2011, 13.1% of the teens admitted to skipping breakfast in the past 7 days, while 11.3% had drunk 3+ servings of soda per day in the same time frame.
4. Excess meat consumption is bad for the planet, for our health, and for the well-being of animals. Ask your school to host meatless Mondays in your cafeteria to keep meat consumption down. Sign up for Meatless Mondays.
5. In 2011, more than 15% of the students were overweight, and more than 12% admitted to starving themselves for 24 hours or more in the last month in an attempt to lose weight. 

6. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day because it feeds your body and mind with the necessary nutrients and energy to function throughout the day. Eating breakfast regularly will also help keep weight off because it gets your metabolism going.
7. Teens need 9+ hours of sleep per night for their bodies to function properly. Less than 1/3 of high school students in 2011 reported getting 8 or more hours of sleep per night.
8. Physical activity like aerobic exercise (walking, running), muscle-strengthening (weight-lifting), bone-strengthening (jumping rope), and balance and stretching activities (yoga, pilates, dancing) are especially beneficial to a healthy body.
9. Foods that don't expire contain unnatural preservatives, additives, and chemicals that deteriorate your body. Focus instead on fruits, vegetables, lean meats, whole grains, low-fat dairies, and above all, moderation in whatever you eat.
10. The rate at which your body burns calories when you are resting is called your "resting metabolic rate." If you cut calories below what's needed for RMR, your body will go into survival mode because it doesn't have the energy to perform basic functions.
11. For teens, the recommended caloric intake is 2,100 calories, but it is important to base your diet on your level of physical activity. Depending on how active you are, you can determine how many daily calories are healthy for your weight and lifestyle.

 

Sex With Black People Can’t Cure Racism

Dear Sheriff Leon Lott,
It’s amazing that I’m using the phrase “sex with Black people” in the title of an open letter. But that’s what happens when someone with your level of power dares to use the “my employee/friend/brother-can’t-be-racist-because-he-has-an-African-American-girlfriend” excuse.

Photo Credit: www.nydailynews.com

I’m still tripping that you said this out loud and in public. As if sex with Black people can honestly absolve White people from being racist. Just so we’re clear: close relations with Black people, even relations of the sexual variety, can’t cure racism.

But lets just say, hypothetically speaking, that sex with Black people could work like a lucky-anti-racism-rabbits-foot (it doesn’t). No amount of sex with Black people could ever erase the raw, racist, brutality we all see when we watch your former employee, Officer Ben Fields, toss that Black girl around like she beat his mama.
If we’re being honest, your statement was one of the most foolish “I’m not racist because _____” that I’ve heard uttered on the big screen. But your excuse was particularly problematic because 1. You were Ben Field’s boss and 2. you used his sexual relationship with a (presumably) consenting, adult Black woman to excuse his racist physical abuse of a Black girl.

Photo Credit: NY Daily News

Considering the history of this country, and of your state in particular (South Carolina – or South Cakkkalacky as the old folks say), that’s incredibly sick. Oh, and racist.
This isn’t the first time someone tried to say close ties to Black people worked as a magical-racism-eraser. Other versions of this foolishness include:
I’m not racist because I sat next to a Black person on Amtrak.
I’m not racist because my daughter married a Black guy.
I’m not racist because my secretary/gardener/maid is Black.
I’m not racist because my kid has Black kids in their school.
I’m not racist because I adopted a Black kid….
Other than demonstrating that racism comes in all shapes and family sizes, these comments rely on one of the most easily disproven lies about racism. This lie says that mere proximity to Black people—either in the bedroom or the boardroom—can cure anti-Black racism.
But, Sheriff Lott, American history reminds us that this is complete bull. Just look at “great” Americans like Thomas Jefferson, the nation’s third president. As a wealthy slave owner President T.J. had a lot of proximity with Black people. Hell, he owned tons of my ancestors.

Photo Credit: atlantablackstar.com

And like Officer Fields, T.J. also loved sex with Black women—or in Jefferson’s case, Black girls. One unlucky Black girl named Sally was raped so often by President Jefferson that she bore him at least six children as a result.
Want to know how powerfully “sex with a Black person” cured Jefferson’s racism, Sheriff Lott?
Aren’t you eager to hear about how fathering Black children caused President Jefferson to eradicate racism and White supremacy from his evil heart?
Well that didn’t happen. Sex (rape) with Black people did nothing to stop Jefferson’s racism. Raping Black girls and women didn’t even motivate him to free his own kids from slavery–kids conceived by a White male racist raping a Black girl.

Photo credit: abagond.wordpress.com

What’s worse is that, like Officer Fields…indeed like you… Jefferson knew what he and White America were doing was evil. As he said:

“I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just, that his justice cannot sleep forever. Commerce between master and slave is despotism [a cruel & oppressive use of power]. Nothing is more certainly written in the book of fate than that these people are to be free.”

Despite knowing that his soul would likely rot in hell for the evil in which he participated, despite forcing sex on countless numbers of Black women and girls, despite parenting Black children, the power of his White privilege was so intoxicating that Thomas Jefferson kept right on slaving away.
Lets make this perfectly clear: having sex with Black people doesn’t mean you’re not racist. (Sometimes it actually proves you are.)
So Sheriff Lott, the reality is that Ben Fields’ Black girlfriend doesn’t cure ole Benny’s racist views of Black people. Just like Thomas Jefferson’s sex with Black people, fathering Black kids and admitted White guilt, did nothing to prevent him from continuing to enjoy the privileges that came from owning enslaved Black people.
But what’s worse is that by declaring Benny boy free of racism because of who he sleeps with, you showed that not only are you culturally incompetent but that your lack of understanding of how racism works renders you unfit for your position—and likely contributes to the hostile racial policing of Black students in your jurisdiction.

Photo credit: www.wltx.com

Your employees come into contact with Black kids everyday. So your simplistic and foolish “my cops can’t be racist because…” shows that as their leader, your ignorance is a contributing factor to the hostile environment that allows racist, out of control cops like Benny to thrive under your “leadership.”
There’s not a single circumstance under which a Black cop could do what Benny did to a White student. Not one. You know that. I know that. But most importantly cops like Benny know it.
But those cops rely on your willingness as Sheriff, and the willingness of other officials in your department, to use bullshit excuses that let you look the other way when Black kids are abused. It’s just too bad that your sleeping-with-Black–people-lucky-rabbits-foot couldn’t block the cameras from showing us what was happening right in front of you.
You’re partially responsible for cops like Benny, Sheriff Lott. So I hope the next person to lose their job from all of this is you.
Sincerely,
Afro State of Mind
P.S. Also? You need to drop those charges against those students. Just stop this foolishness already. But in case you don’t, I hope all my readers call and demand that  you do:
5623 Two Notch Rd, Columbia, SC 29223
(803) 576-3000

My period pain was cancer!! True Life Story...Read

Brave mum Julie is sharing her story to warn other women not to ignore the deadly symptoms
Julie Morgan, 43, Mount Waverley, Vic

Sitting down with my three kids, my stomach swirled with nerves. 'You know how Mummy had an operation?' I said gently. 'They found some cancer.' My eldest daughter Luella, 11, burst into tears while Chelsea, nine, sat in stunned silence. My boy, Cooper, seven, was too young to understand, but looked crushed. I was devastated I'd upset them, but I wanted to tell the truth.

It all began in February 2013, when I started getting abdominal pain. My periods had also become heavy and extremely uncomfortable. Assuming it was just because I was getting older, I tried to grin and bear it. Like most mums, I was too busy with the kids and my job as a teacher to worry about myself. 'It's probably just a cyst,' I told my husband, Craig, 45. But after three months, I went to see my GP just in case. After feeling my lower abdomen, my doctor sent me for an ultrasound. The scan revealed I had a dermoid cyst, a benign type of mass, on each ovary.

Going in for minor surgery to remove them, it was a simple procedure. But when I woke up the surgeon looked serious. 'Things didn't go to plan,' he said seriously. 'We found some tumours on your ovaries. I'll be able to tell you more tomorrow.' I've never been so scared in my life. 'What if it's cancer?' I cried to Craig. When I was younger, my mum, Pauline, 70, had battled breast cancer. Thankfully she'd survived and I was always cautious to check for changes in my breasts. But I didn't know anything about ovarian cancer.

The next 24 hours were the longest of my life. With my mind running wild, I spent the morning reading up on ovarian cancer. But it only made me feel worse. Was I going to die? What would I tell the kids? By the time the phone rang, I'd got myself into a state. 'You've got what we call borderline cancer,' the doctor said. 'It's not deadly but we can't leave it either. You'll need a hysterectomy right away.'

After 24 hours of imagining the worst, this actually felt like good news! I already had three wonderful kids, so I was prepared to lose my womb. Going in for the operation a week later, I just wanted life to go back to normal. Instead, there was more bad news. 'There were so many tumours, your ovaries were fused to the uterus wall,' the doctor said, explaining they'd sent the tumours for analysis. When the kids came in to see me, I tried to put on a brave face.

Back home two weeks later, Mum was visiting when I got the news I'd been dreading. 'Two of the tumours were invasive cancer,' the doctor said. 'You're going to need chemotherapy'. Feeling helpless, I collapsed into Mum's arms and wept. Going online, I read up on how to explain cancer and chemotherapy to kids. Realising I needed to keep things as simple as possible, I carefully broke the news. 'The cancer's gone,' I told them. 'But the chemo is to make sure it doesn't come back.' Watching their faces crumple, I wondered if I was doing the right thing. After they asked lots of questions, their main concern was about me losing my hair. 'It's a small price to pay to stop the cancer,' I told them.


Starting chemo a week later, my hair became sparse as the side effects took hold. Sometimes I felt so bad, all I wanted to do was crawl under the covers. But I carried on working two days a week and tried to stay positive. While my two girls seemed to be coping, Cooper became anxious. He refused to go to school and wasn't sleeping properly. I was desperate to help him. Then I had a brainwave while reading him one of his favourite Mr. Men books. 'How about we write our own book together?' I suggested. I figured it would be the perfect way to explain what was happening.

The next morning we created Little Miss Brave and wrote about her cancer diagnosis and treatment. She went into hospital for her first chemotherapy, I wrote. Sitting in a comfortable chair, Little Miss Brave enjoyed reading a book, having a cup of tea and eating crackers and cheese. The story ended happily with Little Miss Brave's hair growing back and her having a big party.

After writing the book with Cooper, he was like a different boy. 'Did you sit in your chair today?' he asked after one session. 'Yes I did,' I replied, smiling. It helped the girls too. I even took Luella with me once so she could see what it was like.

At times the chemo was so difficult, I'd wonder if I could go on. The worst part was the constant ache in my bones. When my hair became more sparse, I decided to shave it off. Sitting down in a chair in front of Craig with a razor, I had to laugh. 'I bet you never expected to be doing this when we got married!' I joked.

I wore a wig out in public, but each night Cooper asked to see my bald head. Then he'd rub my scalp with his tiny hand. 'It's so soft!' he exclaimed. After four long months, the chemo was over and I could finally focus on the future. Packing up the kids, we took a family holiday to celebrate.

It's been two years since I finished treatment and I still have checks every three months. Thankfully the cancer hasn't returned and my long-term prognosis is good. haI'm so glad I took my children through my cancer journey with me. Now aged 14, 11 and 10, they have grown into resilient and empathetic young kids. My message this is for all women to listen to their bodies. While it might be easy to ignore little niggles and pains, hoping they'll go away on their own, it's so important to get checked by a doctor. I did and it saved my life.
As told to Riah Matthews
Originally published in that's life! Issue 5, 2016, cover date 4th Feb 2016.

Ovarian Cancer

Each year 1480 Aussie women are diagnosed with ovarian cancer. In Australia, the overall five-year survival rate is 43 per cent. In comparison, the five-year survival rate for women with breast cancer is 89 per cent.
If diagnosed early, women have an 80 per cent chance of being alive and well after five years. Unfortunately, 75 per cent of women are diagnosed at an advanced stage, when the cancer is difficult to treat successfully.
Symptoms include:

• Abdominal or pelvic pain.
• Increased abdominal size or persistent abdominal bloating.
• The need to urinate often or urgently, or feeling full after eating a small amount.

If these symptoms are new for you and you experience one or more of them persistently over a four-week period, you should consult your GP.

Selena Gomez: Instagram's most-followed celebrity on how she handles fame

Pop star Selena Gomez explains how music helped her through a rough year, how social media helps her handle fame, and giving birth in her new film.

"I'm so exhausted right now. I would love to fall asleep on your lap."
Selena Gomez is officially cream-crackered. The pop star is making a brief pit-stop in London as she jets home to Los Angeles from Paris Fashion Week - but rather than take it easy, she's popped into BBC Radio 1 at the break of dawn.
There, Nick Grimshaw teases the singer about an over-enthusiastic fan who accosted her at the Eurostar terminal five hours earlier.
"He kissed me, and then he held my hand as I walked through the train station," she laughs. "He was actually very nice. He just wanted to date me for a couple of seconds."
Photos of the encounter show Gomez taking it all in her stride. But then, she's an old pro.
She first stepped into the limelight at the age of seven, in kids' TV show Barney & Friends. By the age of 14, she was known to millions as Alex Russo, the sarcastic wizard-in-training on Disney's Wizards of Waverly Place.
When the show ended in 2008, Gomez pursued parallel careers in film, pop and fashion, as well as becoming a Unicef spokesperson; but that was all overshadowed by her three-year relationship with Justin Bieber. (It still makes headlines now, more than a year after they broke up.)
During the course of our interview, she never mentions Bieber by name, trusting (correctly) that people will fill in the gaps when she discusses the "chaos" in her personal life last year.
But it wasn't just her relationship status that went through an upheaval. The 23-year-old asked her mother to step aside as her manager, and revealed that a much-publicised "stint in rehab" was actually a course of chemotherapy to battle the auto-immune condition Lupus.
With the disease in remission, she went back to the recording studio to make her fourth album.
"I found music to be a real outlet," she says. "I needed a voice in all of the noise."
The result was Revival, an unexpectedly assured collection of grown-up pop music. Its release was trailed by Good For You, a steamy, sotto voce ballad, where Gomez leaves her "dress a mess on the floor".
It instantly changed perceptions of the former teen star and, as she tells the BBC, she's keen to capitalise on the momentum.
A lot of people have assumed Revival is your first album - but it's not.
I've appreciated that reaction because I released my first album when I was 14. What on earth was I going to be talking about at 14? I think one of the songs on that album was called Crush. I mean, that's as intense as my emotions became.
That's probably why Good For You took people by surprise.
Definitely.
What did you think when you first heard it?
It was the second song that was submitted to me. There was no track, it was very, very raw. Just singing. But it was one of those songs that I felt so deeply. I had previously released [Bieber-inspired break-up song] The Heart Wants What It Wants, which was very sad and vulnerable. It was good for me to get that off my chest but I was in a place where I felt this sense of empowerment and Good For You expressed that perfectly.
Were you taken aback when people accused the lyrics and the video of catering to male fantasies?
No, I wasn't because, first off, anything that I do people are going to say something. The video isn't about me catering to any sort of audience. I'm in jeans and a T-shirt, or I feel sexy in a silk robe. It's just my definition of a woman being beautiful. I don't think there's anything wrong with embracing that.
You say that people - and I assume you mean the press - always have an opinion, no matter what you do. Is that what Kill 'Em With Kindness is about?
Oh yeah, that's my theme song for life! I contemplated tattooing it on me at one point.
Most of the time, people say negative things for a reaction and I can't even bear to give them the satisfaction. So there's something that I gain from feeling like I'm the bigger person, from walking away from a situation.
How often are you poised over the send button on Twitter, thinking: "I'll tell you a thing or two?"
Oh, I've gone off, don't get me wrong. I'm not perfect!
Does social media take some of the power away from gossip sites like TMZ and Hollywood Life?
Absolutely. It's insane how much press my Instagram will get [With 69.5m followers, Gomez is Instagram's most popular celebrity]. It's weird, in a way, that I can dictate the agenda - but I love being able to have a say in all of that. Especially having being raised in it.
Have you seen the darker side of the industry? Do you look at what's happening to Kesha and see elements of the business you recognise?
I'm very sensitive to that subject. It's difficult to be a woman in this business, and I don't wish those situations upon anyone. but I've been very fortunate. For years, my life was Disney Channel and I had a wonderful experience. Then, after that, I had my mom with me at all times.
Your new single, (Can't Keep My) Hands To Myself, is really taking off in the UK. There's a moment where you sing - "I mean I could, but why would I want to?" - that turns the lyric completely on it's head. When that was written in the studio, did you know it was special?
Oh yes, instantly. Julia Michaels is one of my writing partners and she's 22 - so she's actually younger than me - and we're extremely similar when it comes to how playful we are. We just thought, how could we make a sexy song just stop and take control of it?
It's a little bit of a talking track and I loved that because it takes my voice into a whole different area.
You sing in a lower register to most pop artists…
Yeah, and I talk in a deep register. That's where I'm most comfortable, that's where I shine. I think that's what separates me.
That's what was cool about this album - I got to learn what my strength was as an artist. Before, I would think, "if I can't hit this note, that must mean I'm not a good singer," and that wasn't ever the case.
You recently appeared in Adam McKay's movie about the financial crisis, The Big Short, talking about collateralised debt obligations. Can you still explain them today?
Absolutely not! When the producers called me, I said: "I have no idea what I'm talking about. And I don't know if that's sad, or if it's scaring me in the right way."
That's the point of the film, I guess. All of our lives are affected by these big financial institutions, and we don't really understand how or why they work the way they do.
That's the case in a lot of aspects of life, especially for my generation. The kids are fixing their eyes on social media, and the stories they're looking at may not be the most important things.
I'm guilty of that, too, Do you want to look at Instagram or the news? It's a difficult, and weird, situation.
Your next film role is in James Franco's In Dubious Battle, where you play a mother who gives birth. How did you research that?
I was there when my mom gave birth to my little sister, so I got a little bit of the idea. Hopefully I did it justice. There was a lot of screaming.
But filming that scene was very awkward, I have to be honest. People were down there in that area, looking and shooting. It was very weird.
You're also producing the Netflix series 13 Reasons Why - and you recently signed up Spotlight's Tom McCarthy as a director. That's quite a coup.
I'm hugely excited. My mom found this book about four or five years ago - and we originally wanted to adapt it into a film for me to star in but, you know, it took a couple of years. I couldn't be more thrilled that we got him - especially in this moment.
Did you sign him before or after he won the Oscar?
It was right before - so the ceremony was really exciting. I was tweeting and watching along like I knew him. I was so proud of him!
At this point, you're an executive producer on the series - you're no longer going to star in it?
Correct. I don't know if there's anything I could do acting-wise, but I want to be part of the music.
Meanwhile, you're already working on the follow-up to Revival. Why so fast?
I think my label wanted me to start last year! But releasing this record made me feel liberated. I definitely think I've found my own lane and I'm excited to explore that.
Will you work with the same team?
Absolutely. I want to fly a few of my writers out and just be on the tour bus with them, writing and creating. It's funny - I only wrote six songs for Revival but I find it hard to listen to [other people's] demos now. Now that I've been able to tap into that creativity, I'm kind of addicted to it.
Hands To Myself is released on 25 March by Polydor Records. Selena Gomez goes on tour from May.

11 Celebrity Dads And Their Heart-Melting Fatherhood Quotes

Warning: this article may invoke serious broodiness.
A celebrity dad is a beautiful thing. When you take the already-excellent formula of hot, talented famous male and add a baby or three to the mix, of course you're onto a winner (the only downside being that these men are obviously taken so having a baby with them ourselves is probably out of the question).

We've rounded up the most aww-inducing quotes on Fatherhood from our favourite A-list men that will make you want to stop what you're doing and reproduce.


John Legend
We're certain John's going to be one of the coolest celebrity dads in Hollywood - not least because he's passing on the best surname in history - and also 'cos he's spoken out how he plans to co-parent the daughter he conceived via IVF with Chrissy Teigen. Speaking to E! this week he revealed that he's going to 'slow down' and take some paternity leave so he's on hand for Chrissy 24/7: 'I feel like, my mentality is just to be open and ready to help with whatever I can, and to be as loving to my wife and to our daughter as much as possible.' he said. 'I think paternity leave is good. I think it's good for me to be home with Chrissy and helping her with whatever she needs, and I want to get to know our little baby!' Too cute for words...

Brad Pitt
Brad's gorgeous, six-strong brood with Angelina Jolie has made him a better person and he's full of gushing quotes on his parental role. 'Fatherhood is the best thing I ever did. It changes your perspective. You can write a book, you can make a movie, you can paint a painting, but having kids is really the most extraordinary thing I have taken on...[fatherhood] is everything.... the hardest job in the world, the most rewarding job in the world.... We put in long days. And to go home and have dinner with your kids, and have to discipline one of them who's out of line, and still have the energy for that is.... I can't explain the fulfillment of that, but it is everything.'

The actor's also spoken out about 'choosing' Angelina as the mother of his kids was the 'smatest decision he's ever made'. You can review their best couple moments in our Brad and Ange gallery.



Ryan Reynolds
Ryan recently welcomed his baby daughter James with wife Blake Lively, and it's good to know that fatherhood hasn't altered his witty sense of humour. Speaking on the David Letterman show he told audiences how his protective instincts had, er, shifted somewhat: 'I used to say, 'I would take a bullet for you.' The second I looked into that baby's eyes, I knew in that exact moment that if we were ever under attack, I would use my wife as a human shield to protect that baby.' We think that means he just really loves them both?

For some really soppy Fatherhood quotes from Ryan, see our exclusive interview with the actor.



Channing Tatum
No-one knows the perils of being a father to a little girl better than Channing Tatum. Comparing fatherhood to a film role, when his daughter Everly was born last year he said: 'I've never protected the president [in real life], but I have been a new dad, and I can tell you that being a new dad is pretty terrifying. I'm pretty sure that something about the president makes the stakes a little higher, but to me as a new father, nothing is more important or scary than protecting a daughter.' We are melting here...

Chris Hemsworth
Chris and wife Elsa Pataky have three beautiful kids together and Chris of course, couldn't be happier. 'I just have so much fun doing it [being a Father]' he said. And the actor also revealed his parental role makes him reconsider work commitments. 'Now I'm a bit more choosy, I think, with when I work and how I work because it better be worthwhile to take me away from them.'

Matthew McConaughey
Matthew's three-strong brood with wife Camilla Alves changed his entire life outlook. Speaking in 2014 he revealed: '[Fatherhood] is the one thing I've always wanted to be... Never is a man more of a man than when he is the father of a newborn. You know what's important. I definitely got more selfish. And at the same time, I think I got more compassionate.'

Kanye West
As celebrity Dads go, Kanye's pretty cool. He's rapped and sung about son Saint and daughter North, and regularly speaks out about how much he loves his family with Kim Kardashian: 'When I look in North's eyes, I'm happy about every mistake I've ever made' he said. Awww, Kanye you're killing us.

Chris Martin

Hey it looks like Chris Martin is a great father and a staunch feminist (double-win) judging from his quotes on family. 'Men should always change diapers' he quipped. 'It's a very rewarding experience. It's mentally cleansing. It's like washing dishes, but imagine if the dishes were your kids, so you really love the dishes.' We love this analogy.

Matt Damon
Ok tissues at the ready for this beautiful quote from Matt Damon, who shares parental responsibility of four kids with wife Luciana Barroso. 'The only way I can describe [Fatherhood]...  it sounds stupid, but at the end of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, you know how his heart grows like five times? Everything is full; It's just full all the time' he once told a magazine. (Excuse us whilst our hearts burst).

Jay Z
You'll never be able to think of Jay as a tough rapper again after stalking Bey's Insta and checking out all their cute family snaps. Jay said: 'I thought I would be more inspired to have all these new feelings to talk about, but I really just want to hang out with my daughter.'

Michael Buble
'[Fatherhood is] the greatest thing that could ever happen. You can't explain it until it happens, it's like telling somebody what water feels like before they've ever swam in it.' Could Michael be any more poetic in his explanation of Dad-joy? We feel like he should make this a song...

Chris Rock
The funny-man and father of three is definitely living his best life as a dad: 'Every day I'm proud to be a dad. When you have kids, there's no such thing as quality time. There's just time. There's no, 'Ooh, his graduation's better than going to the mall.' It's all kind of equal. Changing her diaper and her winning a contest, it's all good.'

How Do You Manage Your Sex Drive Without….You Know?

How do you manage your sex drive or your desire to have sex without masturbating? Masturbation has been presented to me as my only option and I’m wondering, is there any other way? How can I manage my desires in a healthy way?

TEAM’S ANSWER

First, we’d like to say bravo for asking such a bold question. There are many people walking around with this same mindset, and you are not alone. The fact you are even inquiring shows you desire to do things right so our hat is off to you!

I want to bring some freedom and let you know that managing your sex drive is absolutely possible and masturbating is not your only option. In fact it’s probably one of the worst “options” out there. We know that fear isn’t a healthy motivator, so we won’t focus long on this point. But it is worth mentioning the “cons” to masturbation, particularly if you’ve only heard masturbation promoted as the only (normal and healthy) option for controlling your sex drive.

Let me start here: I have not met anyone who feels victorious after they have masturbated. Many say they feel ashamed, empty, and lonely when it’s all over. Some may say, “It’s not a big deal,” but habitually masturbating certainly hasn’t led them into greater freedom. (And isn’t that what we’re all looking for — freedom, joy, hope, and, well, abundant life?) Many find that the more they do it, the more heightened their sex drive becomes. This makes sense because

---

when you feed your appetite, it grows.

---

If you’re trying to calm your sex drive down by masturbating, you’re really not helping yourself. Here’s the deal — a couple things happen when you are aroused and/or climax: your body gets flooded with hormones that cause an intense rush of pleasure (endorphins) as well as bond us to the activity, material, faces, fantasies, etc., that we expose ourselves to while masturbating (oxytocin, vasopressin). The combination of these hormones cause us to feel attached to the experience and drive us to repeat the activity—over and over and over—again. That’s the last thing you want if you’re trying to calm down and manage your sex drive.

Interestingly, we seem to think that the best way to feel fulfilled sexually is to get as much as we can without going “all the way”. Unfortunately, this leaves us feeling frustrated and empty. Why? Because God created us in such a way that our bodies are programmed to “finish what we start” sexually. Part of this is a relational finish, where we are able to experience oneness with our spouse. Without the relationship that remains after the orgasm fades, we feel like we’re missing something. It didn’t satisfy the way we thought it would, and we’re left with the same desires we started with. Why doesn’t masturbation satisfy these “sexual” desires?

---

Oftentimes, it’s because our sexual desires have less to do with sex and more to do with our physical, emotional, spiritual or relational health.

---

Let’s get back to the point at hand: If managing your sex drive feels like an never ending battle, there’s probably something out of balance in your life. It could be spiritual, emotional, physical, or relational. How can you correct this?

1. Learn and practice self-awareness.

Self-awareness is knowing yourself: what you like, what you don’t like, how you feel, what you’re good at, what you’re not good at, and how you affect those around you. Why is this important? Because many of us act out sexually and we don’t know why.

We, as humans, hate pain. We’ll do anything to avoid it. When we have (basically) any uncomfortable feeling, we begin to seek out comfort. This is in our design—we were made with the capacity to solve our problems, to seek our answers and find what we need. This comfort may come in the form of healthy relationships, it may come as addictions to food, drugs, T.V., sex, masturbation, etc. Is there anything wrong with seeking comfort? Absolutely not. But we must find permanent solutions to our repetitive problems, be it a lack of intimacy, too much stress, or our inability to process pain.

2. Practice putting words to your feelings and experiences.

Am I hurting? Angry? Lonely? Tired? Disappointed? Insecure? Vulnerable? Hungry? When we are able to name our feeling, we are more able to name our need. And when we can name our need, we can fill it in an appropriate way.
When we are unable to put words to our feelings and experiences, we are unable to meet the need that lies beneath the feeling.

3. Learn and practice self-control.

I probably don’t need to tell you this, but if you are a believer and have chosen to live a life set apart and unto the Lord, then scripture is pretty clear that God wants you to be able to manage YOU and not be mastered by anything. This includes any and all addictions – masturbation, food, shopping, caffeine, gambling — you get the picture. You can read more about this in I Thessalonians 4:3-7.

---

Consider this: momentary pain is worth long-term gain.

---

Our culture today is ALL about instant gratification. Delaying gratification (disciplining ourselves) is not a popular idea. We all want to be thin, but don’t want to exercise. We all want to have money, but don’t learn to save. We want to have amazing relationships, but don’t practice the self-control it takes to love, honor, and cherish our loved ones. Simply put, we have to learn to say NO to ourselves sometimes if we are going to reap the benefits of a healthy life later on.

Will it be hard? Probably, at least at the start. Remember, if this has been your pattern, you need to break it by abstaining. This means telling yourself no when you want to masturbate, especially if you are used to telling yourself yes, and your body gets what it wants. But, if you persevere, eventually, it will lose much of its powerful pull. The more you tell yourself no, the easier it will become and the cycle will be broken.

4. Be aware of your needs.

There are basic relational needs all of us have such as connection, intimacy, being known, etc., and oftentimes masturbation can act as a comfort or quick fix to us when any one, some, or all of these needs go unmet.
Masturbation is often an intimacy issue. It is crucial, for women, to feel known and to feel valued; without these, many women use masturbation as a way to feel loved, wanted, sexy, and seen, if only for a moment. Men may often feel the desire to masturbate when they have felt powerless, or disrespected. But it all comes down to the quality of their relationships and how they feel about themselves in them. Assess your relationships and make sure you have people in your life that know you and feel known by you. Relationships should give us life and bring us strength.
Thriving in relationship will keep you alive as a man and a woman and promote health and happiness. Having enough healthy emotional connection with those around you will help bring your sex drive under submission. If you get what you truly need, you won’t need to use masturbation to get a “quick fix” instead.

5. Be aware of what is stimulating your senses.

Let’s break this down: Being aware of what triggers your sex drive or stimulates you is important. What are you watching (movies, TV shows, commercials, Facebook/IM, blogs, etc.)? What are you listening to (music, radio, talk shows, podcasts, etc.)? What types of people do you surround yourself with and what things do you discuss? Are these people life giving? Are they cheering you on and encouraging you to go after your goals and dreams? Do you talk about edifying things or things that take you down a dark road? With sexual perversity all around us it can be quite easy to be sexually stimulated, so just be aware of what you are feeding your body, soul, and spirit.

6. Invite God in.

You may have already done this, but invite God fully into your process. Try not to get into the habit of just hoping He’ll answer your unspoken questions or requests. Ask Him. Cry. Get angry if you need to. God is not afraid of your emotions, your disappointments, your fears or your shortcomings. Let Him into it all.

When we give God access to the center of our behavior, He is ready and available to provide lasting change. Then discover how you can partner with Him to stay free. This might involve having a written plan for how to manage the feelings that precede your desire to masturbate. The Holy Spirit is able to guide you into truth and can bring you the strength, partnered with the tools, to navigate your God-given sex drive. God will never give you something you’re not able to manage.

7. Invite others in and say no to shame.

We are huge advocates of doing life in community. So we encourage you to ask for help and process what you are going through with older, wiser, loving leaders, pastors, parents, etc. They have walked this road before and remember, there is no shame or embarrassment in inviting others in and asking for help. In doing so, you may accidentally find the intimacy, connection, and comfort that you need in order manage your sex drive well.

8. Change brings change.
Also, never underestimate the art of distraction.

If you’re breaking out of a pattern of giving in to your sex drive, you’ve got to start doing something differently. For example, instead of staying in bed, get up, read a book, or play a game. Stop watching your “normal shows” or going to your normal after-hours spot if it sets you up for failure. This is part of practicing self-control and self-awareness. In a moment of weakness, you need to retrain your brain and body; don’t give in. Get up. Find another activity. Distract yourself. Stop isolating yourself. Spend more time with others. Make a change, and your change will come.

In conclusion, masturbation is not your only option.

Your sex drive doesn’t have to feel out of control. You can manage it by growing as a whole person, learning to get your needs met, and staying in relationship. You’ve just got to get a hold of the vision for why you would pass up on instant gratification, and push through pain: what do you, personally, have to gain? This is a question that you need to answer, genuinely, in your own heart.

Powerful people can tell themselves what to do. If you worked through all this stuff and you are whole, body, soul, and spirit, it may simply boil down to the fact that you want to have sex. You may have to practice saying no to yourself, at least for a time. There is nothing unhealthy about abstaining from sex or masturbation, and in fact, it may grow in you all of the character qualities that will lead you to healthy, fulfilling relationships, including marriage and a great sex life.

Think of it like this: you can’t have every sweet thing that you see or you’ll be at risk for becoming diabetic. You can’t have sex every time you are turned on. You’re learning how to manage your sex drive now so later you’ll know how to point that desire toward one person – your spouse – and he or she will be ever so grateful you took care of this now, and not five (or fifty) years into your marriage.

Six Things That Make a Woman Bad in Bed

Dear Susan,
I am writing because I’ve been totally humiliated and I don’t know what to do. I recently found out my boyfriend had cheated on me, and I broke up with him for it. He actually claimed to want to stay together and work it out, and he acted genuinely sorry. I considered trying to make it work, but in the end I knew I could never feel the same way about him again. When I told him, he got really angry and he wound up saying that I was a “shitty lay.” I was devastated, because I always thought the sex was really good. He always said it was, and he sure acted like it was. I was a virgin when I met him, so obviously I didn’t have any techniques or anything.
After he said that, I was crushed, and confided it to a good friend, figuring she would reassure me that guys just use that as a parting shot when they’re pissed off. I was shocked when she told me that he had been complaining about my being “bad in bed” for the past year. I guess it was something he often said to his friends, and he had pulled her aside last summer and said the same thing. She tried to question him about what he meant, what was so bad, but he just said, “She just doesn’t do it for me. Her actions don’t turn me on. She sucks at sex.”
I am so embarrassed. I can hardly look at his friends. I also feel super awkward with my girlfriends. I thought I had this great relationship, and I had this being said about me. I know I just have to get over it. My real question for you is how do I know if I’m good in bed or not? What is so hard about it? I don’t want this to happen again, what should I do? I’m so ashamed.
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Before I get to the practical advice part, I just want to say that is a terrible story. I’m so sorry that you have been humiliated in this way. Obviously, this guy behaved in a way that showed he had zero respect for your feelings. He sounds like a total jerk in general, and you’re well rid of him. The most important thing for you to learn from this experience is not that you lack sexual skills, but that you had a long-term relationship with someone who must have shown his true colors before now. I encourage you to go to the Best Posts page and read all the posts you can find on identifying men of good character. The most important thing is that you don’t repeat this experience, and part of that will depend on the men you choose.
OK, now to the question of what men find hot in bed. Obviously, I don’t have any real information about what your sex life looked like. There are two possibilities here. The first is that he has an unrealistic view of what to expect during sex. If he has either watched a lot of porn or had a large number of sexual partners (especially promiscuous ones), then he likely has expectations that are unrealistic about what good relationship sex looks like. That has nothing to do with you, so it’s not something you need to address. The second possibility is that due to inexperience, or perhaps a lack of communication during sex, you failed to do something that he wanted or expected. He bears equal responsibility for that, by the way.
I’ve always maintained that what a woman needs to be good at sex are Focus, Enthusiasm and Boldness. What can I say, they’ve always worked for me. However, my experience is too limited to allow me to speak with authority on this matter. I’ve done some research, and found, perhaps unsurprisingly, that this is a very popular topic on forums and blogs.

Here’s what men say are the most common mistakes that women make in bed. They are in the relative order of importance, based on how frequently they’re mentioned:

1. Passivity

Men refer to women who just “lie there” as Dead Fish, Dead Lay and Corpse. It’s not true that men just want an orifice and nothing else. Men want and need to know that the woman is really into having sex specifically with them.
“Show some enthusiasm. We want you to be as into it as we are. It makes us want to try new things and figure you out a bit.”
“The most boring thing a woman can do is not move. It’s even worse if she is totally silent.”
“Gyration is the ticket.”
“They call it bump, so bump.”
“There’s nothing worse than a chick that just lies there…might as well be doing it with a pillow.”
“Not moving her hips would pretty much kill it.”
“When she doesn’t touch you, but lets you do whatever.”
“Not giving feedback. Make some noise, something.”
You’ve got to meet a man halfway during sex. Participate.

2. Insecurity

Men lose desire for women who have no confidence in their physical attributes or sexual appeal.
“I hate it when a chick doesn’t want me to look at her body. Whether it’s turning out the lights or avoiding morning sex, my attraction for a girl takes a dive when she does that.”
“When she doesn’t trust her instincts. Some girls flop around like manatees, have all these crazy moves, think they are being so hot, but they’re a mess. It has to be real.”
“Unless it’s her first time, I hate when a girl acts all nervous or scared.”
“Any kind of worrying about their appearance. Some girls start worrying about what’s happening with their makeup. Gross.”
“A woman should learn to receive compliments. When I compliment a girl, and she contradicts it, I know the sex won’t be any good. If I tell you that you have a hot body, just smile like you know it’s true. Don’t go telling me I’m wrong!”
Feeling secure during sex has a lot to do with trust. This is one of the reasons that casual sex is very awkward and unnatural for many women.

3. Lack of creativity

Men have a strong preference for sexual variety. This is most easily met by having sex with different women. If you want a man to be monogamous, you need to find ways to keep things fresh and interesting.
“The sex is scripted – it’s the same thing each time. I’m not going to do this for the rest of my life.”
“I hate when a woman gets lazy in a relationship. It gets to be 10 minutes instead of 2 hours. It’s boring. Why bother?”
“Only wanting missionary.”
“Doggie style is always appreciated.”
“It’s best when sex engages all five senses: touch, smell, taste, sound and vision.”
“Men are very visual. Give us something to look at. Woman on top is good for this.”
“Try something new and pay close attention to how I react. I’ll let you know if I like being touched a certain way.”
“Just do the unexpected. Men love surprises during sex.”
“Take a chance. Try something new. To be honest, if it hurts a little bit that gets me going.”
“Finding a new place to have sex always kick starts things.”
Approach sex with a desire to discover new things, and be receptive to your partner’s suggestions. If he asks for something that isn’t harmful, try it.

4. Making your needs subservient to his.

Men want women who 1) love sex 2) with them.
“Your own pleasure is the key – orgasm or bust. That’s really hot.”
“We get off on your enjoyment. Look us in the eye and tell us exactly what’s good.”
“Flip the script and get dominant. When a woman climbs on top of me and pins my wrists down that’s super hot.”
“Whatever you do, don’t fake an orgasm. It makes us both a loser.”
“I want a woman to go after what she needs.”
“I know that every woman is different. Yeah, I know where the clit is, but not how a particular woman wants me to touch it. You’ve got to say what you want. “
Let biology prevail here. The human may be the only female mammal capable of having an orgasm. Don’t waste that.

5. Lack of oral sex.

No explanation needed. It’s an important part of the repertoire for almost every guy.
“The hummer test is crucial.”
“If she won’t swallow it’s a turnoff.”
“Teeth.”
“Any kind of scraping sensation.”
“A good BJ includes more than a mouth. At least one hand.”
“If she likes giving head, or makes me believe she likes it with me, I’m psyched.”
“Don’t forget to give some attention to the boys.”

6. Rudeness

Rude or inconsiderate women will be that way during sex, so it’s caveat emptor here as far as I’m concerned. Here are examples of behaviors that are understandably off-putting from either sex.
“When she has any awareness whatsoever of her phone.”
“Texting or taking a call.”
“Not caring if I finish or not.”
“Getting oral and not reciprocating. If you won’t do it, you shouldn’t be getting it either.”
“When she acts distracted, like her mind is obviously elsewhere.”
“Bringing up something during sex that has nothing to do with sex.”
“Criticizing in a way that is not constructive.”
“Comparing me to any other guy, or referring to other sexual experiences.”

Anon, there’s lots of good stuff here. Most of the feedback from guys has to do with attitude, not any specific sexual skill. In fact, one guy actually said:

Whatever you do, don’t try the latest tip from Cosmo on touching my back door, or pulling on my balls. If you do some weird thing with your tongue, I’m also going to wonder what the hell you’ve been up to.

Guys can’t have it both ways. If you’re a virgin, you’re not a porn star, and vice versa. If you can be confident and generous in bed, you’ll learn what you need to know with a loving partner. That’s as much as any guy should hope for. A guy who demands more than that is not a keeper. But you’ve already that.
xoxo
Susan

Khloe Kardashian Explains Why Her Sisters Don’t Drink

The Kardashians seem to do everything together, except hit the bar. Khloe Kardashian just launched her show Kocktails With Khloe, but she shares that most of her family doesn’t drink alcohol.
"Kimberly does not drink alcohol whatsoever. Pregnant or not, she's just never been into it,” Khloe tells Elle about her big sister. "Kourtney used to drink a lot more in college and probably before she had kids. She's literally been pregnant for, like, six years or breastfeeding, so I think that has obviously changed her life now.” Little sisters Kendall Jenner and Kylie Jenner aren’t into getting boozy. “Kendall and Kylie are not into it. Even when Kendall goes to Europe where the drinking age is 18, she's never—Kendall's really focused and determined.”
Fans of Keeping Up With the Kardashians remember Khloe getting arrested for drinking and driving years ago and she fesses up to that. “I definitely drank underage, but I don't even drink, like, once a week now that I'm older.” When Khloe does drink, she goes hard. “I don't like the taste of alcohol like that, so if I drink, I drink for intent. Like, I don't care to just have a glass of wine. No, I want to get fucking buzzed or drunk. That's the point!" As for mama Kris, who often has a glass of wine in hand on the show? “My mom has a drink every night with dinner. That's her thing, and that's what she loves to do.”
Khloe points to her parents’ openness with alcohol as helpful. “I think because my parents have always been like, 'Listen, if you're going to drink, call me. I need to pick you up…just be honest…I don't want any of your friends driving you home.' You know, we're not here to yell or judge each other. We've never had problems or rehab stints or this or that.”
So THAT’s why we’ve never seen a drunken Kardashian.
Here are Kylie Jenner's looks through the years...and now we KNOW she was sober through it all!

10 Things You Need to Know About Dating Someone with OCD

I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder when I was 20, but I had been dealing with the condition since before I can even remember. Although it scared me for years, I eventually found the help I needed with therapy and the love of my friends around me.

My boyfriend, in particular, was a great help. I can't say it was easy for either of us, but with his comfort and empathy, I managed to get a place were the fear faded away. It may still be irritating as hell, but it's just a part of me that I needed to learn to accept, and he helped me do this.

With this in mind, I feel that I can impart some advice to anyone who has started dating someone with OCD. If you do not have the disorder yourself, then you need to understand that we are not your burden; we are people. This list is not for your comfort, but for ours.

Our minds don't work in the same way yours does.

I've had so many people tell me that something will "be okay if I just stop thinking about it" or that I'm just being paranoid about something. Well, congratulations — you've stumbled upon two of the biggest symptoms of OCD: overthinking and paranoia. 

There will always be times when we can get past a bad thought, but not only does it take so much mental and emotional energy to do this, sometimes it just doesn't work. I'm not saying it's easy for a person to push bad thoughts away and just get on with life, but lets just say if it's a jog in the park for you, then it's a sprint through a blizzard for us.

You cannot force exposure therapy on us.

If there's one thing a person with OCD hates, it's when someone suggests they can be happy, be healthy, if we just "try" to do the things that scare us or even go cold turkey on doing the things that our disorders tell us to do. 

We will not suddenly feel okay about the stain on the floor if you tell us that "we'll just go out and enjoy ourselves instead of worrying about it." She will not stop checking the lock if you drag her away from the door. I will not stop blinking compulsively if you tell me to just hold my eyes open for a while. It doesn't work, and it can actually make things much worse for us. Exposure therapy can only work in small doses, in a safe environment, with our consent.

We will apologize — a lot.

Those of you who have anxiety will recognize this one because it's all in the same neurological ballpark. For the OCD crowd, that anxiousness is meshed right in with compulsive thoughts and obsessive behavior. So if you've ever called your partner "clingy" for constantly asking if you're okay or for constantly apologizing over something small, then you may want to rethink how you react next time. 

My brain will never be satisfied with one apology. It's not enough; two words will never show how truly sorry I am, and I will wonder all day if my apology was only accepted for the sake of ending the discussion. I'm not saying you can't work with your partner to help wean them off of this, but do not classify it as clingy or annoying.

We're not curable.

As much as I'd love to prove this one wrong, OCD never goes away. Although it's true that some forms of childhood OCD have been found to work themselves out by adulthood, it's most likely that if you're dating someone with the disorder, then they have it for life. 

This doesn't mean certain rituals and compulsions won't disappear over time — some have for me — but if you're waiting for the day when your partner will be able to live without any symptoms, like they've just recovered from a cold, then you're living in a fairytale.

Your love will comfort and help our recovery.

By "recovery," I mean how we learn to manage the disorder. A lot of us with OCD may eventually reach a place were the disorder no longer depresses or scares us. Sure, it'll still bug the hell out of us most of the time, but being able to cope with the disorder is our form of recovery. 

Having someone by your side to help through the tough times means more than you can ever know, so don't underestimate how important you are to your partner.

Don't take our corrections and mood swings personally.

There are a lot of stereotypes surrounding OCD, but it's true that, for certain people, cleanliness, order, structure, and just having something done in a certain way is important to a lot of us. In any other situation, it may seem annoying for someone to suddenly re-clean a dish you've already washed or rearrange a desk you had already organized, but keep in mind that if we don't have our spaces in a certain way, then it can make us extremely anxious. 

Communication and collaboration is key here. It's not personal; it's the OCD.

We will have off days when we won't follow our therapy. Let us.

No one's mental health is perfect. We all have days when getting out of bed or going to a therapy session feels like it will do us more harm than good. Days like these are actually part of our recovery, because sometimes we just need to give ourselves a break. Everyone misses a day of two of class, or the gym. Why should therapy be any different? We can't be skilled at dealing with our OCD every day, so please don't judge us for it.

Depression and anxiety tie into OCD.

Like many other mental-health conditions, OCD is linked to other disorders, and each disorder can affect the other greatly. This isn't the case for everyone, of course, but it is for many, especially me. Not only can obsessive-compulsive thoughts spark an anxiety attack, but the day-to-day routine of your brain telling you that you can't do something is very upsetting. If you're unsure why your obsessive-compulsive partner is showing depressive symptoms or suddenly keeling over with a breathless panic attack, this may be why.

We know it's something we can't control, but let us vent about it.

Many people try to remind us that, since OCD is incurable and is something we live with every day, we need to stop complaining about it and think about something else. I find this ironic considering a huge portion of OCD is obsessive worrying. It's essentially like saying, "I know you have a cold but you can't cure it, so stop sneezing." We can complain and vent about whatever we want — and it helps us.

You don't have to coddle us. Just love and try to understand us.

Above all, we're not tragic souls who are lost and hopeless within this world. We just endure the world differently. We need our partners to be sensitive to our disorder, but if you feel the need to walk on eggshells around us, then something is very wrong. 

Learning about the disorder is the first step to understanding what kind of partner you need to be for your loved one.

11 Nipple Facts You Need in Your Life

Have you ever looked at your nipples and wondered if they’re normal? It turns out, they come in all different shapes and sizes. What’s more, they can bring you incredible pleasure, help feed a baby, and even tip you off to some potentially serious health problems. Seriously, they’re amazing. After reading this, we promise you’ll have newfound respect for this body part. Here, everything you need to know about your nipples.

1. They Can Span Several Inches
The size of a woman’s nipples and areolas can be as wide as a half-dollar or smaller than a dime, and either way is totally normal, says Alyssa Dweck, M.D., ob-gyn in Westchester, New York and coauthor of V Is for Vagina. Gain weight or get pregnant, and they can balloon even bigger, she says.


2. They Come in a Range of Colors
Pale pink, brick red, dark brown: Nipple pigment has to do with a woman’s ethnic background and the hue of the rest of her skin. Just as nipple size changes when you have a baby, so does nipple color, and that shift in shade is often permanent. “It’s the result of hormone surges during pregnancy,” says Dweck.

3. They're Capable of Mucho Pleasure
Nipples are an erogenous zone for many women, and a 2011 study from the Journal of Sexual Medicine backs this up. Researchers using MRI imaging found that when nipples are stimulated, a pleasure center inside the brain lights up the same way it lights up after stimulation of the clitoris and vagina.
4. Nipple Orgasms are Not Fiction
The same 2011 study that showed a link between nipple stimulation and the pleasure center of the brain also raised the possibility that nipple stimulation alone could result in orgasm, something sex researchers previously estimated that only a “small number” of women could experience.
5. They Sometimes Come in Threes
It’s not uncommon for a man or a woman to be born with three nipples (or four, or five, or seven, as one 2012 study details). These extra nipples, known as “supernumerary nipples,” resemble a mole or mark. They never develop into actual breasts, and they can show up anywhere on the body, according to the National Institutes of Health.
6. Nipples Are Supposed to Be Bumpy
Look closely at your nipples and the surrounding areolas; they kind of resemble the bumpy, crater-filled surface of the moon. “Those bumps on the areola can be hair follicles, ducts, or oil glands that produce lubricating fluid," says Dweck. "It’s totally normal to have them."
7. But Sometimes a Bump Is Bad News
A rare form of breast cancer called Paget’s disease can present itself as a red bump or rash on the nipple or areola, says Dweck. “It’ll look like an angry skin change that doesn’t go away,” she says. If you spot this and it persists for a few weeks, have your doctor take a look.
8. They Don't Love the Gym
Working out is super-healthy for your body as a whole, but it can be rough on your nipples, which often get dry, chafed, and even bloody as they rub back and forth against your sports bra, says Dweck. Dabbing on some petroleum jelly before a treadmill session will soothe irritated skin.
9. Nursing Can Do a Number on Them
Soreness, pain, cracking, bleeding—these are just some of the consequences of having a hungry newborn attached to your nipples several times a day, says Dweck. These symptoms tend to disappear as a new mom gets the hang of it, but if your nipples continue to suffer, get an assist from your pediatrician or a lactation consultant.
10. They Can Leak Milk
Nursing moms, you might want to keep an extra blouse in your purse or glove compartment. It’s a totally freaky phenomenon, but many breastfeeding women have found themselves suddenly leaking milk as soon as they hear the cry of a random infant or baby nearby, says Dweck.
11. Discharge Can Be a Warning Sign
A little discharge that comes out after you’ve squeezed your nipple is probably no big deal. “But a white, creamy discharge that’s released on its own could be a sign of a non-cancerous growth in the brain,” says Dweck. Green or black discharge can tip you off to a benign duct problem. And bloody discharge might mean breast cancer. If you experience the latter, bring it to your doctor’s attention.

Celine Dion’s Jupiter Island Estate Now $27 Million Cheaper

Despite this one having its own water park, Celine Dion is having trouble selling another of her opulent mansions.
The Los Angeles Times reports that the Canadian singer, who has a residency in Caesars Palace in Las Vegas, has lowered the price of one of her properties precipitously—from $72.5 million to $45.5 million. At its original asking price, the Jupiter Island mansion was one of Florida’s costliest homes when it hit the market around two years ago.
The 5.7-acre estate boasts two spacious guesthouses, a tennis pavilion, water park with two connecting swimming pools and a Bahamian-inspired main residence. Still, that’s not been enough to secure a sale.

A Titanic-size pool is just one of the features that's failing to impress at Celine Dion's Jupiter Island estate. View the Complete Jupiter Island Listing
Christie's International Real Estate
The Grammy winner used this estate as her main residence before she relocated to Las Vegas. Other famous residents of Jupiter Island include golfer Tiger Woods and actor Burt Reynolds.
The 47-year-old has also had difficulty selling her Île Gagnon property in Quebec, which went up for sale in 2012. A report emerged that it was sold last month, but Mansion Global was unable to confirm this; the property is still listed as for sale.
The 24,000-square-foot, six-bedroom French Normandy Chateau-style property, built in 2001, is located on a private island not far from downtown Montreal. It features a private bridge, wine cellar with tasting room and a wood panelled library. Asking price? $18.9 million.

Inspired by classic Normandy châteaux, Dion's Île Gagnon mansion is rumored to have finally sold. View the Complete Île Gagnon Listing

5 Ways Math Can Improve Your Life

When you hear the word "calculus," you think confusing symbols, abstract concepts, and a 9-pound textbook. When Steven Strogatz, Ph.D., hears it, he thinks of the intoxicating rush of finding a solution, the beauty in a mathematical puzzle, and the pleasure of a math problem.
Strogatz, an applied mathematics professor at Cornell University and author of The Joy of X, has spent his life trying to make others see math the way he does, as a beautiful challenge with real-world implications instead of confusing mumbo jumbo.

We may never completely come around to his side, but it turns out that the math you learned (and hated) back in high school has plenty of surprising real-world implications. Here, the good mathematician offers up a few lessons about math that won't make your head hurt. In fact, they'll boost your life for the better. (And for more great life advice—no calculator required—sign up to receive the FREE Daily Dose newsletter!)

1. Run a Faster 5K
Problem: You can't seem to shave any time off your shorter runs
Math theory: Calculus of variations, Newton's second law

Solution: Conventional wisdom says to save a little energy for a burst of speed at the end of the race, says Strogatz. But mathematicians contend if you have enough energy left for a final spurt of speed, you've failed to reach your optimal velocity—and you're flat-out doing it wrong.  The most efficient way to run a race is to think of the race in three parts, according to a study by famous mathematician Joseph B. Keller, Ph.D. During the first few seconds, you should run as fast as possible before leveling off for the second phase. The last few seconds of the race, you should be dragging your butt across the finish line. Basically, if you still have energy left for a final burst of speed, that energy would have been more efficiently used by spreading it out over the duration of the course. (If you're a new runner, read The Weekend Warrior's 5K Plan to cross the finish line strong in just 6 weeks.)

2. Apply Discounts at the Cash Register
Problem: You can't figure out if your should apply the discount before or after tax
Math theory: Commutative law
Solution: It actually doesn't matter, Strogatz says. While you're wracking your brain about the 20-percent-off coupon, you could be high-tailing it out of the store if you'd been paying attention back in the ninth grade. Say the pants you're looking at are $50 with an 8 percent sales tax. The clerk says she'll take 20 percent off after tax, so you get more money back. You counter, asking to take the 20 percent off before, so you pay less in sales tax. So who's wrong? No one. Your way: $50 minus 20 percent reduces the price to $40, multiplied by 8-percent tax for a final price of $43.20. Her way: $50 plus 8-percent tax is $54 minus the 20 percent. That final price? $43.20. In both situations, you're simply switching the order of multiplication, not the numbers themselves. Because of commutative law, it works out the same.

3. Get More Cream Cheese on Your Bagel (Seriously)
Problem: You can't spread enough stuff on your breakfast bagel
Math theory: Mobias strip
Solution: Turns out, you've been putting cream cheese on your bagel the wrong way all along. Think of a Mobias strip as a buckled belt with a single half-twist in it, Strogatz says. It's unique because it's a shape with one continuous surface—essentially the inside is connected to the outside, and vice-versa. George Hart, Ph.D, geometric sculptor and bagel math extraordinaire, found by cutting the bagel into a variation on a Mobias strip—essentially creating two interlocking links—you create more surface area, and thus more room for a delicious spread. For exact instructions, check out this video of Hart explaining it. Despite the bagel's odd geometric shape, you can even toast it.

4. Keep a Tennis Ball in Bounds
Problem: You keep hitting tennis balls out of bounds
Math theory: Vector calculus
Solution: Factor in the vectors. Say you're playing tennis with the boss and the ball is hurtling toward the boundary line, so you take one desperate whack in an attempt to impress the big guy with a running forehand down the inside of the line. But despite your solid hit, the ball bounces out of bounds. That's because you failed to think about the vectors. When you hit the ball, you didn't factor the force your body's velocity would impart on the ball—in addition to the force of the racket. Your new move: Aim the ball across the court in order to compensate. (Want more tips for being the next Roger Federer? Learn 7 Fixes to Help You Play Tennis Like a Pro.)

5. Meet Your Other Half
Problem: You don't know when to settle down with the right girl
Math Theory: e, optimal stopping theory
Solution: You can figure out when you'll meet Mrs. Right by using e (2.71828), an advanced calculus integral that allows you to solve problems involving a lot of randomness and choices, Strogatz says. This requires a little guess work, but, hey, nothing's perfect. Math can't solve all of your problems, after all.
It goes like this: Assume all the women you date would marry you if you asked, and there are no second chances. First, figure out what you consider your "prime" dating years—between ages 20 and 35. Step one: Divide your prime dating years into two sections. Spend the first 7.5 years dating around, establishing what you like and don't like in potential partners. When you hit 7.5 years, assess the women you've dated so far and establish who you felt was the closest to being "the one." She—for lack of a better term—is your #2 dream girl. Then, start to date in a more serious manner. As soon as you find someone who you like more than #2 dream girl, congrats—you've found your soul mate! The logic is that since you've already met your #2 girl, anyone better must be #1—and no one is better than #1. Just hope she isn't also using this logic if you meet her in the first half.

50 Fun Activities You Can Do With Your Partner

In a romantic relationship and panicking because you ran out of things to do? Don’t worry! Here’s a starter list of 50 fun, exciting, and simple activities you can do with your significant other! Whether it’s exotic or finding the small, beautiful things in life, you’ll never run out of things to do with the one you love.

• Go for a bike ride
• Randomly give them a gift
• See a movie
• Go camping
• Create a mix tape together
• Talk openly about your feelings
• Share dreams with each other
• Cuddle (who doesn’t love cuddling?!)
• Sit together in the park
• Take a walk together
• Have a picnic
• Play Frisbee
• Take a spa day
• Go swimming
• Go grocery shopping
• Cook a meal
• Road trip!
• Throw a birthday party
• Bake cookies
• Go to the library
• Day at the museum
• Wash each other’s cars
• Go fishing
• Write each other letters
• Have phone conversations for hours
• Go hiking
• Send candy
• Go for a moonlit walk
• Hide love notes where the other person will find it
• Write a poem
• Send flowers
• Eat dinner by candlelight
• Go to a concert
• Watch the sunrise together
• Watch the sunset together
• Go out dancing
• Laugh
• Go to Disneyland
• Go to the beach
• Travel the world
• Take a train ride through the countryside
• Scrapbook
• Play a game of Mario Kart (my personal favorite)
• Draw a picture of your partner
• Give massages
• Volunteer at a charity event
• Take silly pictures
• Climb a jungle gym
• Enjoy each other’s company
• Tell your partner “I love you”

Is It So Wrong That I Don’t Care About My Husband’s Affair?

What if I don't care about my partner's affair? My husband and I have been married for nearly 30 years. We have two kids, but we've been empty-nesters for a while and have settled into new routines, found new hobbies, and downsized our house. I recently found out that my husband has been having an affair—one of those typical "I've taken up golfing!" excuses, when he's really spending time with her. I had my suspicions for a while, when my husband started getting more distant, then compensating by being really attentive and caring. I have not confronted him about it, and I don't think I will. He puts more effort and energy into our relationship than ever. I know that he still cares for me and I don't believe he's looking for a permanent escape from me or our marriage. Plus, truth be told, I enjoy the alone time! I certainly don't get off on the idea of my husband being with another woman and I don't enjoy thinking about it, but on the other hand I don't really mind it. And I don't want the hassle and emotional toll of confrontation with him. Is it OK for me to just let it go? Am I setting myself up for more hurt down the road? I feel like an awful feminist, because I do believe that cheating is wrong, but in this case it seems to work for us. —No Big Whoop

 
Dear No Big Whoop,

I think you hit on an essential element of your situation—it seems to be working for you. It’s very easy to get caught up in “shoulds” and external expectations and lose sight of the fact you and your partner may choose to create a satisfying life together that might seem unconventional to others. It matters less that you are a great feminist in the abstract, and more that you are feeling satisfied with the relationships in your life.
That said, I do wonder about your hesitation to talk openly about it with him. The fact you are worried about the “hassle” and “emotional toll” of talking about it says to me that perhaps something is not quite working for you. Right now, the affair is a “secret,” and keeping big secrets tends to undermine relationships rather than foster healthy, stable ones. It may work in the short term, but think about how much energy is going into each of you pretending the affair is not happening. That is hard work! At some point, one or both of you may just get too tired to maintain the pretense. Eventually, secrets tend to come out. What might happen if your husband were to discover months from now that you knew all along? What are you afraid might happen if you were to talk about it now? What do you fear you might lose? What might there be to gain? You may want to consider talking with a therapist to explore your fears and hesitation, and also to take an affirmative look at what you do want from your relationships and your life as you move forward.
You mention two positive elements of this affair—you get some alone time that you enjoy, and your husband has been more attentive and caring. It seems like that may be a place to start as you consider what it is that you want. If you are honest with yourself about what you want and need, then you will have the information you need to make the best decisions you can. Since you cannot control how your husband responds or what steps he chooses to take, all you can do is try to make decisions that feel right to you.
Best of luck,